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Personal circumstances (that would be useful for us to consider your application)



Nesreen 15 / 41  
Jan 21, 2012   #1
Write an essay about personal circumstances that you think would be useful for us to consider your application??

I would appreciate your comments and you improvement on my essay... Thanks a million guys!!


Personal circumstances give us new experiences and broaden our narrow sight, even it could help us to get more comprehensive understanding of the world, the society and our life itself. I believe there are two charming qualities that were likely to influence the person I am now.

Throughout my childhood to my teen years, I have dealt with the financial problems of my family. My parents came from Hodeidah and struggled financially because they moved without anything and we had to adjust to a new, different environment. Moving from place to place, bouncing from school to school, and from community to community. I didn't understand why my friends at school had all luxurious life and the latest technology while I could hardly keep up with the essential things that could keep me alive. My parent's sacrificial heart made them separated for us to live, and the obligation of the family had forced my father to stay away from us. And my mother had to play the parental role alone. She helped, protected, supported, and stood by us whenever she felt that we started to mess up. We experienced various hardships alone, but we could overcome them. In return, my parents' sacrifice made me strong-willed and determined to get a good education and become successful person who deserved their sacrifice. And I realize that parents have a kind of instinct to sacrifice a part of their happiness for the best life of their children.

Besides to the sacrificing quality from my parents, independence was the second attribute which affected my life time. Since I graduated from secondary school, I started to work as a nurse and helped with the expenses of the family. I used to work for more than twelve hours a day and at that small age, it was really difficult time for me because I was never far away from home for such a long time. However, from that very moment, my family started to count on me that helped to shape my personality as a responsible, and a respectful member in the family. Furthermore, As I started my practical life early, I used to pay for all my college expenses as well as family needs. I became the person whom my parents rely on. Whenever, my family confronts a financial hardship, they ask for my help as well as when there is an important decision they should make, I am used to be a person whose opinion is important.

General speaking, sacrifice and independence attributes have transformed my character as it is now and have made me a women of clear vision to future. In my opinion, life is only achieved through meaningful personal change and it is easy to see how what may appear to you as the biggest problem of your life, may in fact be your greatest spiritual benefit and positively reflect your entire life.

gongjux82 1 / 5  
Jan 21, 2012   #2
Nesreen
Well, the idea of your essay is good, but there are a lot of grammatical errors. "the latest technology while I could hardly keep up with the essential things that could keep me alive.".... I think it would be wise to either reword this, or to omit it. Also, I've told this to someone else. If you are in the top ten percent, you will get in, no matter how crummy your gpa is. If you are not in the top ten percent, and you are applying to get in as a freshman straight out of high school- most states will permit you to get in probationally. Now, If you are a hs graduate, and would like to enter into a university as a freshman, without going in probationally, I recommend getting a job during the fall- and applying for the Spring semester as a first year student, and not a transfer student. Transfer students are harder to get into universities, but they will likely accept you as a first year student during their Spring semester, because the competition is not there (Most HS students apply for the Fall session). Anyways, as for the essay, no matter how crappy or good it is, usually the admissions don't even look at it, unless you ask for an interview. In this case, it may hurt you if your interview sucks. I know a Law student that applied for to U T Lawschool, with a LSAT of 170 something, and a GPA of 3.8 in Business MIS, and he got rejected, because he did such a crappy job at the interview. If you are at least in the top 10 percent, just submit your essay as is, and it won't make a difference to your admission. You'll get in.
OP Nesreen 15 / 41  
Jan 21, 2012   #3
Thank you for you advice and your comments, yet could be specific about the grammatical mistakes except
"the latest technology while I could hardly keep up with the essential things that could keep me alive."
OP Nesreen 15 / 41  
Jan 22, 2012   #4
And Also if you can check the thesis statement if it is appropriate with the two body paragraphs??
OP Nesreen 15 / 41  
Jan 22, 2012   #5
Guys please I need your reply :(((( It is urgent


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