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Provide details of circumstances or qualifications not reflected in the application - Common app


Fenna 1 / -  
Dec 8, 2014   #1
Can anyone please check my English (grammar, spelling etc.)? I am not a native speaker.
Thank you so much!

Please provide an answer below if you wish to provide details of circumstances or qualifications not reflected in the application. You may enter up to 650 words.

I grew up while my mother suffered from depressions and alcohol addiction. She was aggressive and could lay in bed for days. My father worked long days, so at a young age I learned to provide for myself and my little sister Meike. I never talked to anyone about my situation because I managed. However, when I realized it was not my fault, I couldn't help but loathe my own mother. In my early teenage years, the wounds and traumatic experiences inflicted over the years overwhelmed me. I was furious with my mother. She was, however, a bad woman to have a row with, as she became aggressive. I tried to suppress my feelings to avoid escalations, but in vain.

Because of the collisions between my mother and me, a social worker decided that it would be better for me to leave my parents. The situation was unhealthy and unsafe. She started the process of finding a right foster home for me. However, Misja, an acquaintance who was one year older than me, told me that I was welcome at her house. She convinced her parents and because it was faster and easier that way than the official, bureaucratic way, I moved there. (This was when I was fifteen years old.)

I lived Misja, her father Hans, and her mother Josine. Their other children, Johanna and Joshua, had already moved out of the family home. My new family was really nice and loving. They provided a safe place and I slowly processed my childhood experiences. I felt better and better. In 2012, Hans, my new father figure, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. After his death in December 2012, Josine developed bipolar disorder. She has been admitted to a psychiatric hospital twice. Last September, Misja moved to Antwerp, Belgium, for her studies. I am currently living with Josine (she is still suffering from mental illness), although my official address is still my parent's address (because I left the unofficial way).

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Dec 8, 2014   #2
Fenna, this is a very good and effective personal background essay. Let me help you correct the grammatical errors though. Nothing serious. You have a very good grasp of the English language and use it very well :-)

I grew up while my mother suffered from depressions and alcohol addiction. She was aggressive and could lay in bed for days. My father worked long days, so at a young age I learned to provide for myself and my little sister Meike. I never talked to anyone about my situation because I managed. However, when I realized it was not my fault, I couldn't help but loathing my own mother.

- ... I could not help but loathe my own mother.

So when I was fifteen years old, a social worker decided that it would be better for me to leave my parents. The situation was unhealthy. She started the process of finding a right foster home for me. However, Misja, an acquaintance that was one year older than me, told me that I was welcome at her house. She convinced her parents and because it was faster and easier that way than the official, bureaucratic way, I moved there.

- When I was fifteen... an acquaintance who was one...
- You need to develop the background of this paragraph how and why did social services get involved in your case? We need to find out why you had to be removed from your family setting. It is integral to your story.

I lived with Misja, her father Hans, and her mother Josine. Their other children, Johanna and Joshua, had already moved out of home. My new family was really nice and loving. I felt better and better.
In 2012 Hans, my new father figure, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. After his death in December 2012, Josine developed bipolar disorder. She has been admitted to a psychiatric hospital twice. Last September, Misja moved to Antwerp, Belgium, for her studies. I am currently living with Josine (she is still suffering from mental illness), although my official address is still my parent's address (because I left the unofficial way).

- Combine these into one continuous paragraph. These are all related discussions. Who is Josine?
- ... had already moved out of the family home.

I graduated from high school last summer. I am working at Climate Analytics and in January I will travel to Sri Lanka on my own.

- How is this relevant to your story? What is your current job at Climate Analytics? Why will you travel to Sri Lanka on your own?

There are just a few holes in your essay that need to be filled in so that it can be made even better and stronger.


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