As always, would appreciate vangiespens' and others' feedback!
In 150-200 words, please tell us what inspired you to apply for admission to Colgate University?
As a likely economics major, I am drawn by the unique courses on offer by Colgate's economics program as they provide an insight to global and modern topics that are of the utmost concern to economists today, such as the study of The Japanese Economy. I am also enthused by the London Economics Study Group program available to Economics majors as this can an opportunity to immerse myself and experience economic forces in another global financial hub, other than New York.
[...]
If word limit allows, expand on how the COVE program fits you
you made a great job saying how you are a great fit for the college, but I think that should talk about more how the college fits you.
Here is the thing, with this type of essay prompt, you need to analyze the reasons that led to your decision to apply for admission to Colgate University. Your responses are not really well developed and are short on information about your personal reasons that led to this choice. Perhaps you can look into your personal objectives and goals for studying Economics? Discuss that point of view and then directly relate it to some of the classes and research opportunities that Colgate offers it students. Any internships of interest to you? Talk about how you feel that participating in it will help you become a better economist in the future. Sometimes the essay is not all about how well you fit into the college. In this case, it is about the reasons that you feel Colgate will be the best university for you to attend given the set parameters of your study goals and objectives. Expand upon the discussion you have presented about the Japanese Economy, London Study Group and, as Heather said, the COVE center. Show us the reason that you will develop best academically and socially during your time at Colgate University.
vangiespen, thank you for the feedback. I am trying to add in more information but I am constrained by the word limit. Here's the revised draft.
I always tell the students who write these sorts of essays to never bother with meeting the word count when working on the draft of the essay. Why do I tell them to do that? By constantly striving to stay within the word count, the essay suffers in terms of content and accuracy. You are unable to properly express yourself, your desires, and cannot communicate your reasons for choosing this particular university to the best extent. Forget the word count for now. Just develop the essay as best as you can, paying attention to grammatical errors and sentence structure as you do so. I always work with the student to accurately bring down the word count once the essence of the response has been finalized. I would like you to do the same thing. You know what information the essay requires, expand upon it. When you have satisfied the prompt in the long form, I will then step in and help you bring down the word count.
This essay version contains a number of improvements over the first but is still wanting in the sense of clearly explaining how you plan to benefit from the opportunities offered by Colgate. Respond in the long form and then post it here. We can work on properly reducing the word count while getting your message and response clearly across :-)
Thank you vangiespen for the motivation! Please take a look at my revised draft:
As an aspiring economist hoping to specialize in research on international trade, I am drawn by the unique courses on offer by Colgate's economics program as they provide an insight to global and modern topics that are most relevant to economists today, such as the study of The Japanese Economy and... These niche courses will provide me a competitive edge in the workplace as I will be well-versed on the current state of the economy, in addition to having picked up the quantitative skills needed for economics research. I am also enthused by the London Economics Study Group program available to Economics majors as this can an opportunity to immerse myself in and experience economic forces in another global financial hub, other than New York. A guaranteed internship in London would also help me gain valuable international working experience which will benefit me in my future endeavor.
I would like to continue exploring my passion in volunteering in university, and I am excited to see that there is a robust spirit of volunteerism in Colgate, with a dedicated center for volunteerism in COVE. By drawing on my experience as a tutor, I am keen on tutoring disadvantaged students in the Hamilton community. With COVE's generous support and grants, I am also eager to spearhead the expansion of the tutoring programs to more schools, making a positive impact on lives in Hamilton and beyond.
Among Colgate's diverse and tight-knit student community, I will be able to comfortably engage in an environment where different perspectives are shared and valued. This will cultivate in me the skills to learn with an open mind and develop personal maturity during my four years in Colgate.
Sam, here is a 192 version of your essay. I took the liberty of editing the content to make it shorter and more representative of the prompt requirements. I hope you don't mind.
I am drawn by the unique courses on offer by Colgate's economics program as they provide an insight to global and modern topics that are most relevant to economists today. Niche courses such at The Japanese Economy and The London Economics Study Group will offer me an opportunity to gain valuable insight into the economic forces governing the global economic hub. Coupled with an internship either in New York or London as only Colgate University can help me attain, I am sure that my international working experience will be off to a good start.
I would like to continue exploring my passion in volunteering in universityby patticipating as a tutor voounteer at COVE. With COVE's generous support and grants, I am also eager to spearhead the expansion of the tutoring programs to more schools, making a positive impact on lives in Hamilton and beyond.
Among Colgate's diverse and tight-knit student community, I will be able to comfortably engage in an environment where different perspectives are shared and valued. This will cultivate in me the skills to learn with an open mind and develop personal maturity during my four years in Colgate.
As always, you can either use this version for your application or you can use it as a template for your own version. You decide upon what works best for you :-)
