Prompt: Please submit a one page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. For freshmen applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program to which you are applying. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and program, your essay can impact our final decision. Candidates applying for early decision or transfer may apply to only one college and department.
My interest in cognitive science began when my dreams of becoming a Nobel Prize laureate were crushed.
I was maybe nine when I had my groundbreaking question: are the colors that I see same as those that others see? I posed my question to my parents who weren't able to satisfy query. If my omniscient caregivers weren't able to provide me an answer, it was safe for me to assume that this question hadn't been explored and there was a Nobel Prize waiting for the one who solved it.
Fast forward 7 years. I am watching a YouTube video about the sensation of colors and qualia and I'm left with a bittersweet sentiment: bitter at the extinguishing of my childhood fantasy but fascinated by the nature of consciousness and the brain that hosts it. I soon began to study philosophy, linguistics, psychology, and sociology in order to explore the framework of our experience. I read, perused the internet, and frequented academic forums -only methods readily available to a high school student- to cultivate my interest. It is through Carnegie Mellon that I will be able to fully pursue my interests and contribute to the growing field of cognitive science. Carnegie Mellon's department of psychology, which heads and administers the cognitive science major, provides not only the rigor essential to molding my intellectual development, but also important and accessible research opportunities relevant to my growth as an academic. Specifically, I am very interested in being able to enroll in elective research courses, and if eligible, the Honors Program. The abundance of research opportunities at Carnegie Mellon attracts me to the school. The department also heads the Dietrich Undergraduate Colloquium, and the task of presenting research to peers and faculty alike will allow me to further my intellectual ambitions in research while developing relevant communication skills. These varying opportunities for multi-dimensional growth make Carnegie Mellon the ideal institution for my growth as an intellectual and an academic.
It is not only the academic aspect of Carnegie Mellon which draws me to the school. In the summer of my freshman year, I accompanied my friend's family on their trip to Pittsburgh to visit their relatives. Growing up in Los Angeles most of my life, I came to admire the color of adventures and possibilities which encompass a bustling metropolitan city. In my visit, I found many familiar traits: honking cars, high skyscrapers, and the jumbled sounds of an active city. But I also found a sense of intimacy in the community that downtown Los Angeles lacks. Mr. Rogers once called Pittsburgh one of the "biggest small towns in America." and it wasn't hard to see why. During my visit, I became more acquainted with my friend's family's neighbors than I am with my actual neighbors in Los Angeles. Carnegie Mellon's locale reflects my idea educational setting, where the adventures and possibilities of big-city life can complement the close-knit atmosphere of a cohesive community.
This big adventure, small family mindset also fits perfectly with the academic atmosphere of Carnegie Mellon. On one hand, Carnegie Mellon provides a premier university education with all the big-university benefits: variety of programs, state-of-the-art facilities, distinguished faculty, and reputable student body. On the other hand, CMU's smaller class sizes provide a more interactive educational experience, an intimate environment to establish professional and personal relationships with students and professors.
I hope to start the next chapter of my life at Carnegie Mellon. As a Tartan, I will seize every opportunity to further my growth and build my legacy.
Quick fixes:
"Honors Program. The abundance of research opportunities at Carnegie Mellon attracts me to the school. The department" - implied in the previous sentence(s)
"reflects my ideal educational"
Overall, you have a great essay. You clearly connect your past with your future career goals, and how CMU can aid you in achieving those goals. If you have any specific topics/ideas you hope to research in college, I would definitely recommend you include them in your third paragraph to make your goals/plans at CMU more specific. Admissions are going to care more about how you can fit into the school, than just about school facts and statistics. Finally, your closing paragraphs are practically perfect- I wouldn't change a thing about them. You were able to connect all of your previous points together with only a few sentences, giving the reader a clear understanding of your dream of attending CMU.
hope this all helped!
