Does my essay fit the prompt? What can I improve on? Thanks!
Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Game. Set. Match.
After a grueling three-hour battle, I had just suffered defeat at the hands of my greatest rival in high school tennis. Anger and disbelief coursed through my veins as I limped towards the net to shake my opponent's hand and congratulate him on his win. I gave it all I had, fought hard, perhaps played better than I ever had before, and ended up with nothing. Sure, it was only a game, but at that moment all I could think about was losing.
I gathered my racquets and walked off the court to a dozen pats on the back and sympathetic half-smiles. I could have sought solitude-left the scene completely to wallow in my own misery-and though it shames me to admit it, this was the first option I considered.
But I soon realized that there were still matches being played and wins to be earned, and that it was my duty as captain and teammate to support my fellow Westview Wildcats no matter how upset I was at my own defeat. After all, each of the eight matches played counted exactly the same and the one I had just lost only contributed one point to the opposition's score.
So I buried my disappointment as deep as I could and went on to cheer for my teammates. Believe it or not, tennis is a team sport. The difference a simple, "nice shot!" or, "what a serve!" makes is remarkable and can significantly boost a player's confidence. Instead of sulking, I strove to be there for those who were fighting their own battles. Not only did my teammates profit as a result, but my own mood drastically improved and I was able to forget about my loss.
It is my firm belief in the importance of collective benefit over personal want that prompted me to act in such a way. I am always conscious of how I can help a group of people as a whole, be it a high school tennis team or an entire society, regardless of my own needs and desires.
Oh, and we won 7-1 that night.
I really like this essay, however, I would assume it is a popular topic and you might want to consider making it more unique.
You're last line about winning actually made me laugh because I wasn't expecting it after your serious statement about the team as a whole!
I do think it fits the prompt. Would you please tell me if you think mine does??
I really like how you converted a tennis defeat to something positive. You displayed toward how you kept thinking to yourself that tennis is based on group performance, and you decided not to look down on yourself despite your loss. Believe me, I am a tennis player myself and I know how it feels to lose a match.
Your essay does fit the prompt. However, I think your essay needs to emphasize a little more towards the person you are. You add a little more to your last paragraph.
Even though the ending sentence did make me laugh, I don't think it is necessary. But it is my opinion.
