Hello everyone, I'm glad I found this website, I really need some insight on my essay before I turn it in.
Hopefully my grammar is okay, but I'm mainly concerned that the essay is not too bland or doesn't capture the readers attention. It was a bit difficult for me to write this memoir as it was an event over a few days, while most good memoirs I wrote were very percise, but I gave my best anyways.
ALSO: I'm trying to think of a title for this memoir, I've thought of "Slope Side Brotherhood" "Lift to Snowy Traditions" "Magnetic Mountains" but they seem very corny and not fitting.
Thank you!
Keeping my calm and taking wide but precise turns, I hesitantly made my way down the icy 34 degree double black diamond trail that my fellow brothers convinced me to do. One bad turn later, I found myself tumbling down feet after feet of icy snow with no way to stop my rolling. After a good ten seconds of rolling down, I managed to stop at a flat part of the slope. Ironically, I started to burst out into laughter when I realized big brother Matt had watched my spectacular journey down the mountain. Matt became a tiny spectacle when I looked up to the top of the trail. He stood where I had started to tumble a minute ago and started to retrieve my skis that had rolled with me and poles that had gotten lodged into the snow many feet above me. When he had finally got to me, he took a seat next to me in the mountain of snow that I had built up from rolling down, and made sure I was still in one piece, being the kind big brother look out he'd always been. I just laughed uncontrollably because I knew how funny I looked while rolling down the hill. My mind was probably really shaken up then, but at that moment, I realized that I'd honestly created something more than just a ski getaway. This was not just a vacation, but a bonding of brothers.
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Hopefully my grammar is okay, but I'm mainly concerned that the essay is not too bland or doesn't capture the readers attention. It was a bit difficult for me to write this memoir as it was an event over a few days, while most good memoirs I wrote were very percise, but I gave my best anyways.
ALSO: I'm trying to think of a title for this memoir, I've thought of "Slope Side Brotherhood" "Lift to Snowy Traditions" "Magnetic Mountains" but they seem very corny and not fitting.
Thank you!
Keeping my calm and taking wide but precise turns, I hesitantly made my way down the icy 34 degree double black diamond trail that my fellow brothers convinced me to do. One bad turn later, I found myself tumbling down feet after feet of icy snow with no way to stop my rolling. After a good ten seconds of rolling down, I managed to stop at a flat part of the slope. Ironically, I started to burst out into laughter when I realized big brother Matt had watched my spectacular journey down the mountain. Matt became a tiny spectacle when I looked up to the top of the trail. He stood where I had started to tumble a minute ago and started to retrieve my skis that had rolled with me and poles that had gotten lodged into the snow many feet above me. When he had finally got to me, he took a seat next to me in the mountain of snow that I had built up from rolling down, and made sure I was still in one piece, being the kind big brother look out he'd always been. I just laughed uncontrollably because I knew how funny I looked while rolling down the hill. My mind was probably really shaken up then, but at that moment, I realized that I'd honestly created something more than just a ski getaway. This was not just a vacation, but a bonding of brothers.
READ BELOW