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Colors - Subject of Personal Importance -- Scholarship essay

tuturu 1 / 1  
Mar 4, 2024   #1
Prompt: Describe, in less than 300 words, a short essay on a subject of personal importance to you. You may choose any topic. Examples include: an event which has influenced you or a family member/friend/person who had a significant influence on you.

(Note: I took a bit of a weird approach to this, can someone advice me on if this is alright and how I can improve it? Thanks)

Upon a blank canvas, I paint in the colours of my life.

Red. The colour of conflict. I was never the artsy kid at school. I was the one that won math competitions, helped people with their science homework, geeked away on a computer in my free time. Picking up a brush and making art was perhaps an odd choice. I sought the creative outlet offered on this front, but I soon realized this turf was not mine. I was not welcome here. The strokes of my brush only created dull, monotone hues.

Blue. The colour of calmness, and my favourite colour. It's a versatile shade, a poignant hue standing against the red. I had none of the 'talent' so extolled by the art community - but what does talent really mean, in face of hard work? That determination alone drives me forward, a ship prevailing through the rough seas. As my brush dances on the canvas, I chase away those invasive thoughts that claimed I was inadequate. Be it my studies, my performance in competitions, or my side hobbies, I always gave it my all, aiming for excellence on all fronts.

I add some highlights in faint hues of yellow. The cheerful colours remind me to always stay positive, my guiding light. With each piece of art, my skills improved. My palette changed from a murky, undefined grey to the bright, eye-catching hues of today. I remember that my efforts had not been in vain, allowing me to gain a decent following online and awards in school competitions. My journey would not end here. The yellow highlights my persistence, my dedication to my work. While treading a path seemingly at odds with my more scientific inclinations, I am determined to be a blend of both, like how red and blue come together to form the most glorious hue of purple.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Mar 7, 2024   #2
The art aspect of the presentation has forced you to deviate from the actual information requirement. While this is an artistic discussion, it fails to focus on a singular person, instance, or activity as required by the reviewer. You are too focused on the colors for it to actually depict an aspect of direct relation to you. Having already established that your art is not good enough tells me that you know you should not be writing about this topic for this prompt. You have to discuss an event, person, or activity that served as a character building exercise or inspiration point for you. Right now, the essay is confusing to follow. It is too roundabout in discussion when what you need is a direct to the point presentation.
OP tuturu 1 / 1  
Mar 8, 2024   #3
I was thinking since the prompt says to choose ANY subject of importance to me, so what I aimed to get across was how my struggles with art forced me to grow as a person. The 'subject' in question can then be interpreted as my art, or maybe even the colors. Does the prompt necessarily say it has to be a person or event, as it only states those as 'examples'? But I understand your point about the essay being too roundabout, I will try to make the message more direct. Thank you for the feedback.

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