[/i]Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why:
Apart from the worldwide eminence, the incredible location and the variable activities, Columbia University stands out by the oppurtunities it gives to its students to go beyond themselves and achieve their goals. I want to study engineering and become successful in my field. To achieve my goals, I have to attend a university which provides numerous oppurtunities for engineering students like great labs, efficient proffesors and an interactive environment. Columbia University has already proved itself in engineering and it provides all the qualities to become one of the best in my field.
[i]For applicants to The Fu Foundation School of Engineering and Applied Science, please tell us what attracts you specifically to the study of engineering:
I am a person who is a researcher, scrutinizer and prolific. I like challenging myself and using my creativity. I have always been interested in science, hence I figured that engineering will enable me to improve my analytical skills.These skills will make solving problems easier and force me to use my brain in my life.Through search, I realized that Industrial Engineering is the ideal field for me. It involves both manufacturing and supervising and also a prevalent and promising major.I will not only fulfill my goals as an engineer, but also be able to improve myself as an individual.
I am going to send them in 2 days and I want to hear your thoughts. Thanks (:
Here are some quick thoughts on how you could improve the essay:
Change all instances of "the" to "its" in the first sentence.
Revise "I am a person who is a researcher, scrutinizer and prolific." The phrase "a person" is unnecessary, and the list violates rules of parallel structure. Consider "I am a prolific researcher" instead.
"figured" sounds a bit informal. Replace with "believe" or some such.
"These skills will make solving problems easier and force me to use my brain in my life." Again, a bit informal. Try "These skills will make solving problems easier and help me become a more thoughtful individual."
"Through search, I realized that Industrial Engineering is the ideal field for me." Consider "After a long time spent reviewing my options, I realized that Industrial Engineering was my ideal field."
"It involves both manufacturing and supervising and also a prevalent and promising major" The second part of this sentence needs rewriting. Or possibly simply deleting.
The following is a version revised for grammar. You may still want to work on making your ideas flow more smoothly:
Apart from its stellar reputation, its incredible location, and its variable activities, Columbia University also stands out because of the opportunities it gives its students to focus on an intensive core curriculum. To achieve my goals, I want to attend a university which provides numerous opportunities for engineering students, and that offers great labs, dedicated professors, and interactive environments. Columbia University has already proved itself in engineering and it provides all the qualities I need to become one of the best in my field.
This is about engineering, what do you think?
I challenge myself and use my creativity to solve problems in any part of my life.By being an engineer, I will enforce my capability to generate groundbreaking solutions. This way, I will be beneficial to both myself and community. Among all the majors, Industrial Engineering is the most suitable one for me. It involves both manufacturing and supervising and it is also a prevalent and promising major for future.By becoming a student in Columbia University, I will be exposed to all tools I need to not only fulfill my own goals as an engineer, but also be able to improve myself as an individual.
