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Columbia Science Honors Program Essay Revision - interests and background in science and mathematics

Rithvik 1 / 1  
Feb 26, 2020   #1
Hey guys, can you help me revise my essay and look for any mistakes. It is for applying to the Columbia Science Honors Program. Thank you in advance!

The Prompt is:

Please describe your interests and background in science and mathematics

Word Count: under 250 words

Ever since I was little, I had always had a fascination for science, specifically biology and the medical sciences, and I have always enjoyed math and found it interesting. I have also been fascinated by computers, and have always wanted to learn to program. Now, as a freshman, I have delved deeper into my love for both medical science and engineering, as well as math and computer science. I do the robotics club, where we work with a mechanical robot and program it to perform specific tasks, and then compete in an FTC tournament. I work with both the mechanical side of the robot and with the programming side as well. I also do math team, where I compete against other schools in challenging mathematical topics. I have also learned how to program in the C# language, and have coded and created a complex game using the Unity game maker software. Even though I do not have too much of a medical background, I look forward to taking anatomical classes in the future years, and sometimes when I am bored, I read and flip through an informational medical book. That is one reason why I am excited to go to the Columbia Science Honors Program, as I want to take the Neurology course and learn more about the fascinating human body. I am also taking honors science and math courses, specifically biology and Algebra 2. I am also taking AP Computer Science Principles, and an engineering course.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,102 3259  
Feb 26, 2020   #2
Never start with "Ever since I was little". The reviewer will stop reading at that point. Nobody believes a child would develop such a keen interest and be able to pursue studies in the field you have chosen. Try to be more realistic. Say "When I was exposed to ... as a teenager, I felt.... This was the seed that planted an interest in science within me." , or something to that effect. Just don't say "childhood" in the essay. Please don't.

You don't "do" the robotics club. You are a "member" of the robotics club. Again, you don't "do the math club". You are a "member" of the math club. Stop referring to the clubs as if they are an action you are taking. These are not the actions. These organizations you have to be a member of in order to perform an action. The same goes for the math team. Who on earth ever told you to keep referring to the organizations as actions??? I know, you are speaking English slang. Stop it! Be academic and use properly worded sentences for this academic response before the reviewer "does in" your application. That means he will kill / reject it.

Do not "flip" through books. READ them. You better rewrite this essay. This time, use formal academic language. Show the reviewer the respect the person deserves. This essay doesn't do that. Believe me, reviewers have rejected applications for petty reasons before.
OP Rithvik 1 / 1  
Feb 26, 2020   #3
Thank you for your feedback, it was very helpful and appreciated.

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