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Columbia Sup. 2! Essay for an essay?



kris10 2 / 5  
Jan 1, 2013   #1
Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why. (1500 Char. max)

For years I was sent to a private Christian school, only to be bullied and tormented by rich, obnoxious students. Placed into a public elementary school, I found true friends, but still, I felt unhappy. No one seemed to care why the Mentos blew up the soda liter; no one coveted the microscopes or handled them with care. My parents saw my agony with these dispassionate kids and we moved to San Ramon. I attended Dougherty Valley, the high school with the extremely challenging classes, champion of academics in the district. Everyday, students spoke with such eloquence and reason, the conversation I always yearned for. Even our cross-country team was deemed the NCS Scholastic Athletes. I was home.

In senior year, I remembered graduation was soon; I would be homeless unless I searched for somewhere new. And then I came across the Columbia. As I strolled down Columbia walk, I instantly felt the camaraderie among students. Chatting with avant-garde scholars, I was delighted with the intelligent banter, exchange of ideas, and attentiveness. An atmosphere I had only dreamed of became reality. The academics at Columbia have prevailed throughout my entire college search. The instant I entered the door, colloquy permeated the room as teacher and student voiced theories, hypotheses, and conclusions of scientific research. Rapt by their confabulation, I was lost in a reverie that one imminent day, their jargon would become my vernacular.

brightlights208 2 / 4  
Jan 1, 2013   #2
Great last sentence! However, I think you really need to elaborate why columbia is appealing and cut down the paragraph about your life story. It's not what the prompt is asking so focus more on Columbia!
OP kris10 2 / 5  
Jan 1, 2013   #3
REVISED!:

When I was young, in the schools I attended, no one seemed to care why the Mentos blew up the soda liter; no one coveted the microscopes or handled them with care. But everything changed when I came to Dougherty Valley high school. I heard students speak with such eloquence and reason, the conversation I always yearned for. There were countless academic activities like Science Alliance, math club, and Speech and Debate. Ever since then I have searched for a similar academically rich place to be.

When I came across Columbia, it was exactly what I'd been searching for this entire time. The academics at Columbia have prevailed throughout my entire college search. With over twenty professors and plenty of research opportunities in the department of biochemistry molecular biophysics, I'm sure that I gain knowledge anywhere I go. As I strolled down Columbia walk, I instantly felt the camaraderie. Chatting with avant-garde scholars, I was delighted with the intelligent banter, exchange of ideas, and attentiveness. The atmosphere I had only dreamed of became reality. The instant I entered the door, colloquy permeated the room as teacher and student voiced theories and hypotheses of scientific research. Rapt by their confabulation, I was lost in a reverie that one imminent day, their jargon would become my vernacular.


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