(Which character count is the right one to consider?)
with space, you'll notice that when you type in a space, the count goes down by 1 (or not depending on the program used)
With amazing academics, a central location, and a diverse student body, Columbia University is a perfect fit for me.
With amazing academics, a central location, and a diverse student body, Harvard/Cornell/NY/... University is a perfect fit for me. see where i'm getting at?
their love and guidance
their? what's its antecedent?
was and still is
just say is? or say: my grandmother, a very ... person, taught me (or something to that effect. Making things active strengthens your essay)
your essay is decent and well written, and just like my diversity first draft...not nearly powerful enough
i see that columbia seems to be your first choice and your ivy, and you must really want to go there. to have a fair chance, u unfortunately need a much stronger essay
what's missing? personal thoughts. It's good that you have a family like that , and that you lived in 3 countries (me 2), but THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU SPECIAL. I can copy paste your essay, change my dad's job, and submit it... so it's not unique enough
what makes you unique? IT'S HOW YOUR FAMILY IMPACTED YOU. HOW YOU ACT TO YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. Tell your STORY. See how each paragraph covers a different part of your life? WELL FOCUS!!!!!!! I can go all day and write 5 pages on the different parts of my life with 2-3 sentences in them, THAT'S NOT HARD. What is hard is to bring all these into 1 story and really reflect on WHO YOU ARE.
I grew up in a loving, close-knit household.
who doesn't? it would be much more powerful if somebody wrote about the opposite, just saying.
My parents, who are some of the most caring, understanding, and responsible people in the world, have also had a profound impact on me.
Of the many qualities my parents instilled in me, open-mindedness is one that I am very proud of.
wow, we must be really alike!
I had the chance to live in three different countries on three different continents
THAT'S THE ONLY different thing about you...and not so different. I can't boast 3 different continents, but does that make you more special than me? great, you've been to these places. HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING TO EARN IT? if not, then how does that make you special? you were lucky, sure, but so? colleges don't want lucky people, they want people with unique thinking style.
I feel extremely lucky to have had such a wonderful upbringing. My family and the experiences I have had around the world, in each school, country, and home, have shaped me into the person I am today - a person that I can feel truly proud of.
man, you don't know how i can talk about the same thing...
don't feel bad, my diversity essay was dissected and destroyed also. that doesn't change the fact that i rewrote it and created a much stronger and personal essay. It's better to talk about a special thing only YOU have even if you are not proud of it, than go about how great your life (you sure it's your life? not mine?) is.