It's a little late to be getting feed back BUT if you could look at it and tell me what you think you'd be a doll! Thanks!
Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why. (300 words or less)*
Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
My heart is racing. My palms are sweating. My eyes are blurry. I'm surrounded by nothing, but feel like everything is pressing me against a wall. What will happen if I fall? What if I cannot decide? Where do I go, what do I do? Wait! Am I still breathing? Yes I am, but what for? Why should I keep breathing if every breath I take involves inhaling negativity. I am surrounded by "advisors" who advice me to dream small when all I want to do is willingly risk my sanity and leap: leap into the unforgiving sky and land upon the highest cloud-Columbia University.
Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
In my drilling search for a school that will supply me with the challenges and opportunities I so desperately seek, Columbia has become the epitome. As the forefront of controversial protests stationed in the center of the art and political world, Columbia has established itself as a pioneer to each and every field I am infatuated with-primarily Political Science and Theater with a dash of History, a sprinkle of Literature, and a pinch of Psychology. Merely having the plausibility of casually strolling along "the Steps" and "accidentally" brushing my sweater sleeve against the sleeve of one who has won a Nobel Prize, an Academy Award, a billion dollars, even the presidency, overwhelms me to the extremities of the color blue.
Thump-thump.
I starve to become part the robust and avant garde performing arts arena. I starve to become part of politically, environmentally, and socially aware student body who are unafraid to fight for their beliefs. Overall, I starve to grow in the face of my adversities by taking hold of every opportunity, be it an unpaid internship, summer job, or labor intensive program.
I'm ready. Are you?
Briefly describe which single activity listed in the Activity section of your Common Application represents your most meaningful commitment and why. (150 words or less)*
"La Familia es todo"-family is everything.
It's a motto; a way of life in Hispanic culture.
Yet, nature of my family is pure bedlam. Their issues press me down, down, down into a salty depression as my stress, being the figurehead for parents who barely know how to defend themselves against a foreign world, grows every day.
Therefore, my motto is: "Theater isn't everything-It's just a really big part of everything."
I am an actress.
I devote countless hours of my time, energy, and mind power to bring life to a character all for a mere moment on stage.
Imagine stepping onto a black stage. Suddenly lights flood your vision-GO! As you are living your character, feeling every word through your heart, you can feel the audience inch closer and closer to the edge of their seat.
Black.
It all just lasts for a moment.
I live for that moment
"advice"- advise
"art"- "artistic" (?)
Overall, the first essay is very well written. I really liked the repetition used with the heart thumps and the multiple examples that you used. However, (and I'm guilty of this too) maybe it's a bit too much repetition? I'm not entirely sure whether it's too much as I have the same tendency and it reads well to me, but I've heard that there's a line between effective repetition and superfluous redundancy. Regardless, I feel that the essay captures your ambition to attend Columbia.
(one last thing... I don't think the "are you?" part of the ending is really necessary as this is directed towards admissions officers)
The second essay is, again, very artistically written. If the unique structure and flow of it does not catch their eyes, I'm sure the contrast that you provide with the two mottos will. Just to address one issue:
The last sentence of the first paragraph is quite long and it took me more-than-average brain power to follow it. The admissions people will probably be too tired from reading applications to expend that power, so try to make it shorter or break it down into separate sentences.
I really liked your essays, and I'm quite sure that the admissions officers will like them too! They're unique, engaging, and show that you're a very well rounded person.
Best of luck in your application and studies!
