Hey guys! I'd appreciate any suggestions for this essay! :)
Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why. (1500 characters)
The first time I visited New York City, it was barren; it was nothing I had imagined. Few people were "out-and-about" in the streets and NYC's famed yellow cabs were nowhere to be found. Street parking was readily available. No, it was not a zombie apocalypse. Rather, it was early Easter morning and most of the city's residents were either at Mass or staking out seats for the Easter parade. Thus, although location may not be my primary motivation for attending Columbia, it would be an outright lie if I told you that location is not one of the things I find appealing about the university. Coupled with Columbia's renowned Core curriculum, the opportunities presented by the city itself are immense. Nowhere else in the world are aspiring business professionals like me presented with the opportunity to study at a world-class university within a ten mile radius of the New York Stock Exchange and the headquarters for City Group Inc., JP Morgan Chase, Time Warner Entertainment Co., and dozens of other Fortune 500 companies. Nowhere else can I find the opportunity to have both a broad education and specialize my study in a field I am passionate about. Nowhere else can I achieve these things but at Columbia.
So "imfamous" is not a word and "infamous" means famous for negative reasons. I do not suggest you use that word, nor do I suggest you use "infamous."
Furthermore, the essay is cute, but when I read it I see "NYC NYC Columbia NYC NYC NYC"
This is an essay about Columbia, not NYC. Talk more about the Core. Also mention departments, institutes, clubs, classes, professors, etc. I know it seems like they want one thing, but they don't. You should research Columbia extensively. This prompt is to show them you really care about Columbia, not that you can write a cute little essay about New York. Just imagine how many thousands of essays they're going to read about NYC. Perhaps talk about how NYC is global and Columbia is a global university: study abroad, global centers, world leaders forum (things you should google about Columbia if you don't know them already).
Lastly, it's spelled "Citigroup" but you should get rid of it regardless. Columbia only cares that you like business insofar as you might get rich and donate; that you can get on a subway and say hi to Vikram Pandit (Citigroup CEO and Columbia Trustee) is not a reason to go to Columbia. Also, filling out an essay with full names of companies screams "I didn't have a long enough essay so I added BS about NYC"
I know I was harsh, but I hope this helps. I'm a current Columbia senior and I'm not entirely sure how I stumbled across this website.