"a combination of psychology and neuroscience" GWU supp - what influence me to apply

On a blistering hot day I toured the campus of George Washington University. I had heard many great things about GWU; it was socially and ethnically diverse, has a high level of student-faculty interaction and an outstanding educational experience, and its location provides for a wide array of research opportunities. On the day of my visit I was excited to finally see GWU through my own eyes, and I hoped it would live up to the high expectations I had set in my mind. At the end of my visit, almost drenched in sweat, I realized GWU was truly amazing university and a place I could see myself spending the next four years.

GWU has all of the characteristics I have been searching for in a college. It is located in the heart of a bustling city; this provides for more real world opportunities and the resources to not only learn about an intended major but to also grow as an individual. In addition, being in Washington, D.C. would expose me to many different cultures and experiences that I believe will help shape me into a more well rounded and educated person.

I became even more interested in apply to GWU upon researching the available fields of study, particularly at the Colombian College of Arts and Sciences. I had been searching for a college that offers a combination of psychology and neuroscience, and I found this at GWU. Originally I planned on majoring in psychology with a concentration in cognitive neuroscience, but after looking on the GWU website I noticed an interesting program: Art Therapy. This was the first time I was seeing a program that embodied all of my interests. Currently in high school I am taking a psychology course and the highest level of art available, advanced studio art. If admitted to GWU, I would begin with my original intended areas of study in psychology, and then apply to the Bachelor of Arts/Masters of Arts in Art Therapy Program my junior year. I am very excited I found these programs at GWU, and cannot wait to continue my education in them.

In addition to the remarkable educational experience available at GWU, the sense community I witnessed during my tour also influenced me to apply. I saw groups of friends walking around, laughing and enjoying themselves. The sense of togetherness felt on such a large campus with approximately 25,000 students amazed me. This is the type of environment I hope to spend the next four years of my life - a rigorous academic education paired with fun and enjoyable experiences outside the classroom.

Overall, I believe GWU is the perfect fit for me. It will provide me with new social experiences, allow me to become more acquainted with cultures outside of my own, and also great education opportunities. GWU has an ideal combination of what I hope to major in, and eventually have a career in. I look forward to experiencing all that GWU has to offer to me.

Now you are ready to tighten up your writing. If you start with a reference to the hotness of the day, you should make that part of the theme of the paragraph. Don't leave any loose ends. You can use this imagery of a blistering hot day as a way of connecting emotionally with the reader. Share a moment. At the end of the first paragraph, now that you drew the reader into the scene a little, you can share a significant moment... you refer to being drenched in sweat, but what significance does that ultimately have?

Is the description of hot weather just arbitrary? You can use that imagery in some metaphor to make a point... but I don't know how... I think maybe it is best to get rid of the hotness theme and replace it with a theme that really captures your message to the reader.

I don't really know how to explain what I am thinking, so I'll just do a disorganized rant. I hope it gives you a good idea!!

Here goes...
You interest in psychology and neuroscience, that is where the essay becomes meaningful. The message you send the reader should be like this: I am choosing this school because I have put a lot of thought into it, and I know a lot of details about this school's program. In your essay, show the results of all your college research, and highlight your well-developed plan for the future -- do that by talking about common themes in the work of the professors of the school and the articles and books that you have been reading... Show that you are proactice about learning your chosen discipline and proactice about learning what the school has to offer. Do not waste any sentences like this I saw groups of friends walking around, laughing and enjoying themselves The essay will be strong if it is based on your serious plan for contributing to one or more fields of study.

:-)