I come from a family of chefs- MIT essay

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations? (200-250 words)

Growing up in a family lineage of chefs has instilled in me the desire to explore the world with inquisitive eyes and pursue my dreams of, myself, becoming a chef. At my grandparents street food stall in the suburbs of Rose Hill, where I would be spending my whole summer holiday as a child, I watched Grandma Diva for hours, siting by a blazing pan of bubbling oil, while the aromas of the succulent vegetable fritters wafted through the air. I had since begun to spend most of my free time in the kitchen, experimenting with all sorts of ingredients and utensils all while tweaking colors, flavors and textures or trying to mingle my Mauritian culture into fusion recipes. My mother, a secretary assistant, and my father a chef, have always encourage me to pursue what I love and bought me several sets of cookbooks such as 'Thuričs Gastronomie' and 'Délices De France' which opened me to the mesmerizing culinary world... (To be continued)

It's a short response and I think short essays like this are given to know how creative and constructive you can be about your response. So you should remove some irrelevant parts.

May I suggest you approach your essay in this format:
* describe first
* link your description to how you have developed your dream to be a chef (don't go over the word limit, be concise and straight to the point here)

* and then close with a proof showing how passionate you are about this dream (maybe you can close writing about when you first cooked a meal with your grandfather or cooked something you learnt from your cook book or cooked your family dinner they appreciated) you know your experiences so close with one of it.

Alvin, while I admire the way that your family has influenced your desire to become a chef and strongly support you in your quest. I am not sure if this is the right way to approach this essay for you. Mostly because it seems like you were already able to sum up the method by which your dreams and aspirations were shaped by your family members and community in one paragraph. It would be really hard for you to expand upon this discussion within 200-250 words at this point. As an overview or list of topics for discussion within the full essay, you can use this work that you have come up with. Expand upon each portion within a single paragraph as best as you can in accordance with the prompt expectations. Don't bunch your grandmother and parents into one discussion paragraph.

In order to expand upon the content, it would be best if you could deviate from the culinary aspect of your upbringing by presenting a more personal side to the way your family and community shaped your personality. Aside from the desire to become a chef, how else did they influence you to become an upstanding member of the community? Perhaps there are certain character traits from each individual that you see in yourself because you were influenced towards that slant. Don't limit your dreams and aspirations to simply the culinary aspect. Look at your overall development as a person (e.g. your outlook about the world, your plans for your future, why you want to become an even better person based on their influence, etc.). Then write about those topics as complete paragraphs.

It will be easier for us to help you edit and revise the essay once can share your completed work with us. I look forward to reading the complete draft of your essay soon. You have a good start, you just need to revise the content to make it work better for your needs.

@Holt, Thanks for yours request
I would love to keep the culinary context all while including a few aspects :
- How going to the market all by myself helped me become independent
- How I was able to share my passion with the world around me:
- and how they fueled my dreams of making a culinary voyage across the world or opening my own restaurant and striving for a MIchelin Star

Any other suggestions anyone please

Alvin, you can really discuss almost all of those points in your essay. Just keep in mind that you have a maximum word count to deal with. So it may not be in the best interest of your essay for you to be discussing so many topics in it. I suggest that you narrow down your discussion to the top 3 most important factors that helped you shape your dreams and aspirations. That way you do not find yourself suddenly at a lack of words because you overshot the maximum count.

Three choices for the discussion should be more than sufficient to cover the important aspects of the prompt. I know that you feel like a lot of factors contributed to your development but the reviewer is only interested in the most important personalities or places that helped you achieve the status of who you are today.

The only aspect that I do not believe works for the revision is your desire to explain how you shared your passion with the world around you. You are supposed to discuss how the world influenced you, not vice versa. So skip that part. You should never present information that is not being asked for or is not applicable to the prompt you are provided with.

Don't go off tangent with this essay. You have at least 2 other prompts where you may be able to discuss more of what you want to share with the reviewer. For this essay, just stick to the requirements and stay within the word limit. Keep it simple and direct to the point.

Hi Alvin, I admire your family! Perhaps, as you mentioned how going to market could foster your independence, maybe there is a "chef spirit", not only tradition, habits and skills, that goes within your family. Perhaps focusing your 250-word essay around one crux would be better than going through many points related to your family, but not so much to "dreams and aspirations."

You mentioned your childhood in the kitchen (very, very lively description and I admire your family!) and I am almost sure you see your family cook for other family members too. This may connect to my point about "chef spirit" and your wanting to add in how you can share your interest with the world: whatever a chef does, he or she holds out kindness and consideration for the people to be served.

All in all, what I mean is that the whole essay may be more organised if you have a central "idea", an opinion about what is the essence of being a chef, how your family taught you that essence or how experience gave you that, and how your future aspiration sticks to that quintessence! Best of luck to your essay!

Merged:MIT essay- Can someone check content and give advice

•Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your passions and dreams? 250-300 words

At my grandparents street food stall, as a child, I spent my summer holidays watching Grandma Diva, sitting by a blazing pan of bubbling oil, while the aromas of the succulent vegetable fritters wafted through the air. Since then, I begun spending my free time in the kitchen, experimenting with all sorts of ingredients and utensils all while tweaking colors, flavors and textures or trying to mingle my Mauritian culture into fusion recipes. My parents have always encouraged me to pursue what I love. They noticed my interest in cooking and bought me several sets of cookbooks such as 'Thuričs Gastronomie' and 'Délices De France' which pushed me deeper into mesmerizing culinary world. As I began exploring with inquisitive eyes the infinite combinations of ingredients awaiting to be plated, my mind had become an adept to the language of food. Outside the kitchen, I treasured my passion, always seeking for new ways to bring it into life. At the age of thirteen, I begun going to the market all by myself to shop my own ingredient, and on every special occasions, I would grab the opportunity to organize a family dinner. On New Year's Eve, I would spend hours, slicing scallop into Carpaccio, grilling lobster in brown butter and peeking into the oven to admire the sizzling lamb shoulder and the golden potatoes. Growing up in a family lineage of street food vendors and being in environment surrounded by chefs has instilled in me the desire of myself becoming a great cook and though the hard work ethic my life experiences have instilled in me, I strive everyday to fulfill my dreams of making a culinary voyage all across the world and opening my own restaurant to make people happy with my food and struggle for a Michelin Star.

Ambigay, you are concentrating the essay on yourself. That is not what the essay wants you to present. This essay prompt is designed to give you a chance to introduce your family, culture, community, or influential people in your life to the reviewer. The end goal of the essay is for the reviewer to understand the kinds of influence that you have in your life that have helped you become the person you are today. We are talking about character traits, ambitions, or outlook in life. Aspects of your personal development that have helped to shape you into the person you are today. Look over your essay with a reviewer's set of eyes and you will come to realize that you are not allowing him into your world nor allowing him to see the influence that these people or places have had on you.

You are supposed to take a backseat in this essay. You are not the focus of the discussion. You are only supposed to show the reviewer how you were influenced by those around you. So having your parents support your cooking hobby is one thing, but how did their influence upon you, outside of the culinary arts, help you become the person you are today?

Try to approach the essay prompt from a different angle. Think of who you are at present. Don't think about the person who wants to become a chef. Think of the person who is an asset to his community or an exemplary member of the family. Why or who helped you become that person? That is the focus of this essay and that is what you should represent. I know you are applying to culinary arts school. However, not all of your application should relate to it.

The reviewer will always appreciate getting to know you beyond your culinary interests. It shows him a more personal side to the applicant. Something that he might not have seen because the other prompts would not have allowed him to see it based upon its discussion topic. So take advantage of the opportunity to introduce the influential people around you, and how their influence helped to share the person you are today.