I come from a family whose most common cause of death is cancer. Rutgers Undergrad Admission 2015

Rutgers requires that you provide a short essay that is your original work. Please reflect on what you consider to be an important personal experience related to your talents, interests, or commitments. Using this experience, please tell us what you learned about yourself. How will this experience prepare you for success at Rutgers?

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I come from a family whose most common cause of death is cancer. This experience has sometimes left me in powerless and Inspired. Powerless because there weren't alot of things that I could do to prevent it at the time. And inspired because I hope that someday I can do something about it. I want to go to medical school and aspire to be a surgeon. I want to be able to help my family or anyone who are suffering in the fight against this terrible disease.

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Dan, the cancer story is a good one that readers can somehow relate to. I will advice you to add another page to the essay though. A short essay is normally 2 paragraphs in length when used in a college application. The first paragraph is your introduction that also contains an overview of your answer to the prompt while the second paragraph includes an expanded explanation of the first answer and the concluding statement. In this case, you need to develop the cancer story in the second paragraph by explaining how dealing with cancer has helped prepare you to attend Rutgers University. This means that you will discuss how cancer affected your life in a way that shows a continuing sense of growth as a person. The growth should cover the emotional, social, and (whenever applicable) academic aspect of your maturity. After all, you mentioned wanting to beat the illness as one of the reasons you want to attend medical school. So one can assume that you have some sort of (simple) background that already applies to that desire. Present it in the paper in the best way that you can :-)

Revised version with some major changes.

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There's a moment in people's lives where they instantly know what they are passionate about. People find their niche through a sudden epiphany, through word of mouth, not to mention through trials and tribulations. These experiences have engendered groundbreaking innovations that have brought the world one step closer to greatness. We now have musical prodigies, brilliant scientists, knowledgeable teachers, and most importantly healers.

I come from a family whose most common cause of death is cancer. This experience has left me both powerless and inspired. My inability to contribute relief to my family caused me to feel helpless. I had no idea how to help out with this burden, or even if I could help. Since I could not find a way to help my family in the past, it only fueled my ambition to prevent it for the future. I want to go to medical school and strive to become a successful surgeon. My goal is to be able to save my family and everyone suffering in the fight against this terrible disease. With this goal in mind, I learned that I find joy and satisfaction in helping people in general and go to great lengths to do it. I believe that Rutgers will help me achieve this goal because of the greatness and determination that it's student have and aim to be a part of. This experience has been my drive to do my very best in every situation: at school, at home, and hopefully, at Rutgers.

- You can skip this paragraph because it does not tell the admissions officer anything related to the prompt provided. Unless you mention that you came to know your calling through one of these methods, there is no real reason to mention these in such a long winded introduction.


If you feel comfortable with my suggestions, you can already consider this essay ready for submission. Otherwise, let me know what else you want to add or remove and I will continue to work with you on it :-)