I come from a small town in Oregon ; Stanford- Letter to Roommate

Prompt: Write a letter to your future roommate telling about yourself...yada...yada

Dear future roommate,
I come from a small town in Oregon where clouds outnumber the population- most of the year it's dreary and never ceases to produce rain, drop upon drop. All that's left of the sun is in memories of my childhood, recollections of the scorching Arizona desert. This, of course, is why I'm so pale. I miss the sun much like a fish would pine for the sea after it has been stripped of its watery home. I have, however, become accustomed to such mournful weather that the sun is as far away in thought as it is in location. This place of little opportunity is like a sink hole, a sort of purgatory or limbo. Most fall into complacency and never leave, others try to leave but fail and become even more trapped than before. I, on the other hand, wasn't meant for this place. I am meant for much more, I am meant to break free. I have found solace in you, future friend, for you will be a welcomed hand on my journey.

I'll never know what makes people settle, but what I do know is that I do not have that capability. I know this next step will be much more like a great big leap but if we make it together I know we will not falter. My legs are strong and my footing is sure, I cannot be diverted from the success I am bound to achieve. "Some people live in cages with bars built from their own fears and doubts. Some people live in cages with bars built from other people's fears and doubts; their parents, their friends, their brothers and sisters, their families. Some people live in cages with bars built from the choices others made for them, the circumstances other people imposed upon them. And some people break free." â€- C. JoyBell C.

I cannot wait to escape the confines of this place and stretch my limbs, to share a new chapter of my life with you.
The palest girl you've ever met,
Hannah Dowdy

Try to remember that this is a letter to your roommate rather than an application essay. It would do you justice to try and lighten the mood and express more about yourself rather than glaring generalities. It's written well though.

I really liked it :) but for some reason, when you said Oregon and pale, I thought about Twilight!

Thank you very much! Shoulld this be my what matters to me most essay?

I like how you've expressed that you'd need help on your journey to 'break free'!
Please can you guys read mine and tell me what you think! I'm from London so i'm applying as an international student! :)

First tell me if it should be my roommate essay or what matters to me most essay! I like the touches of humor especially the part about macaroni and cheese. There is also sincerity which is good. The part about your neighborhood is interesting, expand upon that.

Written very poetically, but it is a little bit abstract. You should be a little bit more straightforward.

Other than that, awesome!

Seriously, letter to roommate or what matters to me most?

I thought 'Dear roommate' would have indicated that it was the letter to roommate...

I think that if you want keep the majority of it as is, it would fit the "what matters to you most" prompt better. I really like your style of writing, but like many others said, it seems a bit too formal to be a letter to a roommate.

Thank you EmiEvi! Thats what I wanted to know

I think the topic is better suited for what matters to you the most simply because it describes how you're focused on breaking out of the confines of where you are now and how you plan to break those confines by entering Stanford. If that's what truly matters to you then go for it! :)