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'Coming to the US' + 'Helping others' - UC Personal Statements



sjessicaa 1 / 5  
Nov 23, 2011   #1
Prompt #1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Coming to the United States and trying to make a better life with absolutely nothing but the clothes on your back and some saved up money is probably the most unbelievable life story I have ever heard. As impossible as it sounded to me, my father did it when he was only eighteen. He crossed the border and made something of himself. Neither one of my parents finished high school, but my father did go back to school and got his GED. This, in some ways, has affected me negatively, but it has inspired me to be successful and make something out of life.

It is difficult to do well in school when no one at home can help with homework or projects. Since English was not my parents' first language, they have a difficult time understanding my homework assignments and so I have had to be more independent and teach myself. I disliked having to learn everything by myself; it stressed me out a lot of the time. For this reason, I love my job. I tutor kids that are very much like me when I was younger. I help teach them concepts that they do not fully understand. I want to be able to help my children when they need help with their homework, which is why I am going to college.

I like to believe there is always a good consequence that comes out of a bad situation. When I saw that my family was struggling financially, I couldn't help but wonder how I am going to afford college. I talked to my father about it and he told me that I have to do my best in school so I can get a lot of scholarships and financial aid. I decided that I was going to do my best so I get those scholarships. My father has impacted me and my education very much. He always pushes me to do my best. So far, his motivation and my determination has had a great outcome. I have been doing a great job keeping my grades up, even with the difficult classes. I love school and learning new things and I am very exciting to start college!

Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Helping others is the most rewarding feeling I have ever felt. I like feeling like I have made a difference in another person's life. This year, I have had the opportunity to be a Falcon Mentor at my high school. As a Falcon Mentor I get that feeling almost every school day. My job is to encourage all the freshmen in that class period to do their best in school, as I did, and participate in as many activities as they can. I make sure their grades are where they should be and if they are not, I try to help them improve it. This has taught me to be organized, to be a role model, and has taught to be patient. I know these young minds do not do as they are told; they do what they see me do. I set a good example for them both in and out of school.

I am also a DART volunteer. We help out all around the community from tying red ribbons around trees for red ribbon week to setting up tables for a big event. I like to participate in these big events because it gives me a chance to meet new people. Working big events requires communication in order for everything to work smoothly. This has made me a very friendly and social person. I work well with others and don't mind lending a helping hand whenever they need it.

Becoming president of a club is also a new experience for me. It has definitely been a challenge at times, but I am willing to tackle that challenge. La Vida Nueva is a club where we explore and celebrate different cultures. The first celebration we did was during September 15 to October 15, Hispanic Month. The other members of the club and I made a poster and organized a display in the library. We didn't have much money in our account, so we had to work with what we had at home. This experience has taught me to be a leader. I was in charge of basically everything and I had to figure out how to get everything done on time. It has taught me to prioritize, to be resourceful, and to be creative.

Throughout all these experiences, I have loved every minute of it. I feel accomplished when I help anyone in need, my community, and my school. I have also gotten a lot out of it as well. I have learned organization and prioritization is the key to running a smooth, non-stressed life.

I need to make this longer... help?

ksnapp369 2 / 2  
Nov 23, 2011   #2
prompt #1:
instead of just saying "for this reason, i love my job" elaborate on how he inspired you to become a tutor and how you want to continue to tutor kids in the future or how you could use what you learn at college to help those kids even more.

prompt #2:
"feeling i have ever felt" is kind of awkward consider revising. and you should put an intro paragraph to introduce all of the ideas. also in the last paragraph talk about how all of these things show that you have one central quality.

if you could give me some tips on my essay as well that would be great! >>
OP sjessicaa 1 / 5  
Nov 24, 2011   #3
thank you! :D

that was very helpful.


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