In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) (150 words or fewer)
I have been participating in City Links program since this fall. It is a community service program that provides internships and volunteer activities. The internship I chose is with Manager Information Systems, which provides technical support to public offices throughout the city. I have absorbed various computer skills through this experience like how to diagnose problems, repair hardware and install systems.
I am teaching high school students math and physics on weekends. Through this volunteer work, I am making friends with my students, consolidating my subject knowledge and improving my communication skills. I have become more patient with and responsible to my students.
As an international student who came to America only this year, joining City Links has provided me with opportunities to improve my English, overcome cultural barriers, and make valuable friendships.
Is this essay out of topic? Do I need to get into details about how I am working with this program?
Any suggestions are welcome. Thank you.
I liked your essay, but I think you need to focus on your participation in City Links more. You are getting a bit of tapping talking about your weekend job. This tasks want you to pick 1 and describe it.
I think you might misunderstand the City Links program. It includes the internship and volunteer activity which I am working with. Actually, I am writing City Links program as the answer to the topic.
Let us hear other people's suggestion. If it is out of topic, then I have to write a new one. Thank you.
I corrected it a little bit. Please take a look.
In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) (150 words or fewer)
I have been participating in City Links program since this fall. It is a community service program that provides internships and volunteer activities.
The internship I chose is with Manager Information Systems, which provides technical support to public offices throughout the city. I have learned various computer skills through this experience such as how to diagnose problems, repair hardware and install systems.
As a volunteer, I am teaching high school students math and physics on weekends. Through this work, I am making new friends, consolidating my subject knowledge and improving my communication skills. I have become more patient with and responsible to my students.
As an international student who came to America less than a year ago, joining City Links has provided me with opportunities to improve my English, overcome cultural barriers, and make valuable friendships.
I think you should expand on how the Manager Informations Program with City Links.
I think you can delete the last paragraph and provide more detail description of your participation in City Links.
I know that it is an import part for you. I'm an immigrant I know what you feel. However I think it is better to mention it in the Personal Essay. It is going look to like you do not have anything else except coming to U.S. if you are going to put it in all of your writing. At least it is my opinion.
This is great! I'll just try to help with this part, below:
I have been participating in a community service program called City Links for the past (five?) months. We are able to serve the community while gaining internship and volunteer experience. The internship I chose is with Manager Information Systems, which provides technical support to public offices throughout the city. I have absorbed various computer skills through this experience like how to diagnose problems, repair hardware and install systems.
Dear all,
Thank you very much for your valuable suggestion. They are really helpful. I am still holding my own opinion. I think it looks fine overall due to my situation.
But I am not sure about the use of "absorb" and "consolidate" in the short answer. Do they cause any misunderstanding?
I have corrected it again. Does it look better? any confusion when you read it?
In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) (150 words or fewer)
I have been participating in a community service program called City Links for the past five months. We are able to serve the community while gaining internship and volunteer experience.
The internship I chose is with Manager Information Systems, which provides technical support to public offices throughout the city. I have absorbed various computer skills through this experience like how to diagnose problems, repair hardware and install systems.
For my City Links volunteer work, I am tutoring high school students in math and physics on weekends. Through this work, I am making new friends, consolidating my subject knowledge and improving my communication skills. Meanwhile, I have become more patient with and responsible to my students.
As an international student who came to America less than a year ago, joining City Links has provided me with opportunities to improve my English, overcome cultural barriers, and make valuable friendships.
