Common app short answer - research internship at a hospital

Hi :)

I've already submitted this short answer to a couple of schools, but I'm not sure of whether or not it might be too creative and not descriptive enough. I expanded more on what I actually did at the internship in the EC activities section of the common app and the additional information box, but still...feedback would be appreciated.

Here it is:

"All right, let's see what you know. Tell me what Lox is."
My mind raced as I tried to piece together the medical terms I had just learned. Despite my effort to comprehend these papers on Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (DMD)--the focus of my research at Children's Hospital--my understanding was cloudy. I hoped that not having taken AP Biology yet would not put me at a disadvantage.

"It's a gene, right?"
I was afraid of what impression I would make with my hesitant answer. I sighed with relief when my mentor said I was correct.
There were still things I didn't know after that first day, but I continued to read those research papers, looking up unfamiliar words. Soon, I became an eager contributor to my lab's research on thymosin beta-4 and DMD. I have since been working on my own research project on histone deacetylase inhibitors and DMD.

Thanks!

It certainly is creative, but it seems a bit too rushed towards the end, due to the 150 word count limit. The lengthy intro seems more fitting for a longer essay, since it takes up so much of the word count, that you have hardly any words left for reflection. Overall though, it does answer the prompt, but I would try to shorten the intro so that you can have more room to add more descriptions.

this is definitely not descriptive enough, i don't really see the need for creativity. in other words, why was this your short essay for hte common app activity if you already mentioned in other parts of your resume in detail? I know i did lots of research as well and some of the schools i applied to like Duke and Northwestern give the choice to describe your research. When I did that i just stuck the facts, they don't know anything about what you did and they def. will not give you the benefit of hte doubt, you have to clearly describe what you did, all you did, who you did it with, your purpose, what you found, etc. And also give something about what the future holds and where you think you might go next. This is the one type of essay where you can be as bland as possible, not the common app describing your activites, but describing research separatlely which i would recommend you just submit in the extra info session as part of your resume. It can't hurt you. AS your essay is right now, they're going to have way more questions than answers and this won't really enhance your application, even if you did some really significant work.