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Common App short answer: 150 words "OAKLAND ROYALS"



kyleroland 4 / 7  
Oct 24, 2009   #1
Common App short answer: 150 words "OAKLAND ROYALS"

Prompt: In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of you activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) (150 words or fewer)

I began volunteering with the Oakland Royals, a youth baseball team created to influence the youth of the notorious Ghost Town neighborhood of Oakland, to escape the cycle of drugs and violence. To buy team equipment, I started a recycling program, by mobilizing my community and organizing a pick up routine. This led to my creation of Kappa, a non-profit service club chartered through my school and designed to raise money and recruit volunteers for the Royals program. In addition, as Fundraising Chair of the Key Club, a national service organization with a chapter at my school, I instituted a program of weekly barbeques where we purchase, cook and sell food, the proceeds of which go to the Royals program. Beyond fundraising, I spend hours on the field with the kids, where I provide encouragement, discipline and support through the teaching of baseball fundamentals. In turn, my involvement with the program has pushed me out of my comfort zone and given me lessons in gratitude, privilege and opportunity.

PatelJ 4 / 7  
Oct 24, 2009   #2
Your paragraphs looks great! You did a great job expressing your experience in a nice short answer.

Only thing that I think you may need to check on is the following statement:

"The kids have pushed me out of my comfort zone and given me lessons of privilege and opportunity."

I think to satisfy parallelism in your sentence structure it would be "and have given me lessons"

I may be wrong, its just what I have been taught at my school.


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