common app essay beneficial steryotypes ("I am proud to be a Chinese-American")

Here is my common app essay of a topic of my choice. Please do not go easy on me.

One cannot avoid stereotypes. It is permanently ingrained in the human experience. Being a second-generation ABC or American born Chinese can be tough at times. In America, Asians are often the victims of degrading racial humor and offensive stereotypes. We supposedly all know kung-fu, play the violin, look identical, get straight As, eat our pets, know our "native" language, and live sheltered lives.

Growing up in a predominately white suburban community, I was often the target for racial harassment. The labeling and mockery began in elementary school. I was taunted for my slanted eyes, mocked for my odd language, and teased for my foreign cuisine. Occasionally, I even faced a few communist jokes. Everyone assumed I was an overachieving, diligent, and intelligent student. As I became older, I realized many of these stereotypes and jokes have forged me into a stronger person.

At times, being labeled as intelligent was flattering. After constant assertions that an Asian must be smart and must receive high marks, I began to believe this stereotype as a proven fact. I continued to be an academic overachiever, dedicated to my school work. I would commit hours perfecting homework and studying for tests in advance. I competed for the highest scores in the class and was determined to be placed in accelerated classes. In a way, I was trying to live up to the perfect Asian stereotype. As I look back, these progressive habits have built a positive foundation in my life.

Also, the stereotypes have empowered my sense of humor. Desensitized by my childhood experiences, I can safely say that I am not easily insulted. As a child, I was ashamed of my culture due to the constant harassment and teasing. Now, I can look at verbal abuse and derisions as minor annoyances unworthy of my attention. At times, I even participate in self-ridicule for my own amusement. Overcoming the racial prejudice, I can now say that I am proud to be a Chinese-American. While many blame stereotypes as the root of all evil in the world, they have been ultimately beneficial in my life.

This is a competent essay, but not particularly a good one.

Just out of curiosity, what colleges do you seriously want to go to and how much is it a reach for you? (ie, if it's something of a low reach, like you actually have almost straight As and you're satisfied with going to your local state university, then adding a few details will be enough). If, say, you have a 3.5 and want to go to UChicago, then you probably need a complete rewrite.

(I'm answering for an in-between case, assuming the college you're satisfied with is a low reach and you don't want to be an English major)

I think you need more interesting, original details. ie, you were teased? How were you teased? I mean, your story doesn't sound too original(I was Chinese and teased in elementary school, the only way I'll know you're you and I'm me is that I'm first generation and the school was predominantly black)

See what I'm saying? You need actual details? Did somebody steal your lunch money? Were you proud of a hundred on a stoichiometry test...and then realized how dorky that sounded? What exactly self-debasement did you participate in?

The basic rule of a good story: show, not tell!

You said you developed a sense of humor? Now prove it! This is your chance to make the admissions officer(s) laugh so hard they accidentally clicked "accept"!

Nice essay, but I think you should make it a little longer. Add some more details. I know 250 words is the minimum amount but about 500 words would be perfect.

You have already talked about how stereotypes have changed your life, but you might want add a little more detail.

Check out my essays.

Im applying to Syracuse, Northeastern, Boston University, University of Conneticutt, University of Delaware, university of ri, and university of mass amherst. I have a 93 gpa and 1880 combined SAT score. Im applying for chemical engineering. I already sent that essay to syracuse today but was worried it wasnt good enough. The schools like boston university and northeastern are reach schools.