Common App Essay for Cornell about Myself?

This is my first draft for an essay to Cornell, I think it's a bit vague but recommendations would be helpful. Should I just redo it completely? Thanks!

We can't go back in time to change our lives or our mistakes. I live my life to make sure I have no regrets and move on without looking back. However, everyone makes mistakes and when I settle for less than my best I regret making a choice or missing an opportunity, but I always learn from my mistakes and move on at a faster pace. I enjoy doing my best in everything so I can help all of my friends and be successful in the future.

I enjoy challenges because they make me bring out the best in myself. Balancing and prioritizing my academic life and my social life has been one of the most fun and challenging experiences of my life. I am the type of person who enjoys being friends with everybody so I am a part of multiple groups in my school and outside of it. I am the person who usually sets up trips and hangouts among my friends and I like to mix and match groups so I do not let anybody feel left out. My friends agree that I am social, but I always prioritize academics before fun. I work as hard as I can in school so I can avoid missing opportunities for fun. That way, I would avoid having regrets and at the same time do as much as I can do have fun and be successful.

This is my first year to have a real girlfriend and it has been a fun experience as well as a troublesome experience to maintain having one while keeping my grades up. My cousins from India also came to live with my family for a while and that did not help either. These events along with multiple fun hangouts and after school activities kept me busy and on my feet all the time, but I enjoyed working my best because in the end I can look back and be happy with my accomplishments. Junior year has also been my first year taking calculus and it has been a fun to experience a level of math that made me have to ask for help.

I cannot go back in time and from here on out the challenges in life are only going to grow. This year, while balancing all the parts of my life, I had to, at some points, forsake videogames and television so I could keep up with my studies and friends. I had to set my priorities straight and I decided that playing videogames and watching television would not help me or be as fun as doing my work and having fun with friends would. At one point I had to choose between preparing for my Physics final or going to Chinatown to get bubble tea and shop at Elizabeth Center. I ended up making the plan so I could stay home the day before the final and then go with everybody to Chinatown we all finished taking it. I think it worked out very well and I was happy that all of my friends were able to rearrange their schedules for it.

I love being a doing my best in everything, being a leader, helping my friends, and hanging out as much as I can. If I go to Cornell University I will be sure to do as much as I can to make sure that everybody, including myself, has fun and does his of her best in and out of school.

What is the prompt? Your essay does not have any real direction. You talk a lot about yourself but you don't show it through activities. This essay needs to stronger, especially if you plan on going to Cornell. Yes you should do a more clear and precise re-write.

The diction is too simple. You need diction that better portrays your feelings. Also, it sounds more like a never ending story than a precise essay. You should try spending more time on your essay, it seems too shallow and isn't thought out. I vote for a do over.

Okay cool. I don't think there is any prompt for the common application right? From what I heard it's just write about yourself. I have to do a separate essay for engineering but I'm going to finish this one first. Thanks!

Okay I'll definitely redo it. Thanks!!

^This whole part of your essay is vague and poorly written. I suggest you start over, especially since you are applying to a school like Cornell.


^I suggest that you come up with a completely new topic and rewrite this whole thing. Don't try to save this essay.


^You wrote an esssay without looking at the prompt? There are multiple prompts for the common app. There is also a short response question.

BoNyKiD07
The Common App has 5 prompts but there is an option to write about a topic of your choice.

Yeah I know, by finish this one first I meant I'm going to rewrite this essay before writing the engineering one. And yeah I just realized that, thanks.

You keep admiring yourself in the 1st paragraph. All of it. When you write your next essay, try to SHOW and not TELL.. You keep talking about yourself and saying things many applicants can easily say about themselves. This won't make you stand out at all..


Please, don't state these as facts about yourself! Correction: you admire yourself throughout the whole essay.

Good luck!!

Second Try - Topic of Choice Essay for Cornell

Okay, so this is my second try at an essay and I think it's better than my last one but I still don't think it's good enough. I was going to try doing one of the topics next but any actual like advice on if I should work on this or scrap if would help and maybe advice for the next one too. I need to be specific and like...thrilling...but some topics didn't seem too good. Thanks for any replies though!

Transition
Coming into high school, I was somewhat of an introverted nerd who loved videogames, read manga all the time, always raised my hand in to answer questions in class, and believed that going to an all boys school would allow me to avoid distractions and focus more on schoolwork. Throughout freshmen year, I realized that I wanted to be more social and that playing videogames for three hours after school on a Friday in Videogame Club was not very fun. I decided that, as a teenager, I was at the point in my life in which I had to experiment with what I like and dislike and try new things.

I decided to hold on to all my old hobbies, I still enjoy reading manga and playing videogames, but I also love doing exercise in Boxing and setting up a trip to go to a restaurant in Chinatown for Asian American Club. I love the feeling of accomplishment after a long day of work and I also love the feeling of being a leader and having people depend on me. That feeling makes me do my best and work as hard as I can do succeed.

So what kind of person am I now? After being in different groups and experimenting with different clubs, clothes, and styles, I figured out there is no one group or style that defines me. I'm a moderate. I enjoy working hard and I always succeed in the standards I set for myself, but I do not enjoy being a workaholic. I do not enjoy being lazy either. I cannot fit into any one group exactly, one day I am with the preppy group at Union Square going to Urban Outfitters and Petco, the next day I am with the nerdy group playing Rock Band at my friend's home, then I move on to sitting in the library with my AP Physics group in a meeting that I set up on Facebook to work on our summer assignment, and after that I go to Palisades mall with my girlfriend to shop for clothes and watch a movie. My life fluctuates constantly and I love it.

High school is a time to change who I am and understand who I want to be. I came in thinking I would be a videogame designer, but due to the fact that I am slowly outgrowing videogames, I decided I want to be a computer engineer. I want to be able to fix computers, make them, and program them. I want to be able to help my friends and engineer a present for them instead of buying one.

These past four years I have changed exponentially. Not only am I taller, smarter, and more mature, but also I'm more social, outgoing, and no longer a total nerd. I still do my best in schoolwork and prioritize it first and foremost, but I am now more confident in myself and I look forward to college as a trial that will force me to use the full extent of my talents.

If you did it just one time then u can't say u love it, u loveD

it..


Again with the "telling".. why do you tell them the person you are now? substitute it with a relevant incident or story..


Again, show it...

Okay, but I was wondering should I work on this essay or scrap it and try again relating to a specific question? And you mean I should be more specific right? Okay I can definitely do that, I'll take some more time to work on it this time. Thanks!!!

No problem. What I meant is to try to avoid stating anything about yourself.. try to write about a relevant even that proves most of the statements you are dying to mention

event*? Okay that sounds exactly like what I should've done lol, thanks for the advice ^.^ I just couldnt think of a specific event, maybe one will happen this month. Thanks again!!

Hehe.. maybe nothing will happen.. so try to remember something.. even if you were young