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Common App - 'Ty demands and receives respect' - influential person



dixiej 1 / 6  
Aug 21, 2012   #1
I had just about finished my interview at Bluestone, an inner-city charter school for disadvantaged children. I was applying for a position as an after school tutor. Several softball questions, several strong answers. This was easy. Then the interviewer said, "just one second, Ty would like to meet you."

I was left waiting for a couple of minutes before being introduced to Tyrell (Ty) Stevens, a large dark skinned man with a hard set jaw and the bearing of a drill sergeant. After shaking my hand he sat down and flashed a broad smile, "What is your favorite movie?" I responded with Forest Gump, and the second Gump passed my lips Ty's smile evaporated and he fired question two, "Why are you sitting in this room? If it's to boost your resume then you can show yourself out because I don't have time for that." His eyes were locked on mine - dead silence. I felt slightly Gump-like as I was caught off guard by his quick switch from happy banter to all business. I explained that I wanted to help out kids who are less fortunate, and thought that tutoring would be a good way to do it. The questions grew tougher for quite a while as Ty drilled down on exactly why I was sitting in that chair. It became clear to me that making Bluestone a success was Ty's goal in life, and he wasn't going to have anyone on board who wasn't equally motivated.

Ty is an ex-professional football player. He grew up in the projects, raised by his grandmother. His is a movie-vision American success story: poor child with a loving grandmother, star high school athlete, college scholarship, NFL draft, and Super Bowl victory. The story could have ended there with the credits rolling as Ty walks off the ball field for the last time, yet Ty was set for greater challenges. He went on to found an after-school "manhood development program," which has blossomed into a charter school for 240 boys ranging eighth grade.

One of the most important things I learned from Ty is that it takes work to make a difference. You can't show up on campus and expect that your aura is going to change anything. You have to dig in, and show respect for the students and the system by giving it your all. The harder I work, the more I get from my involvement at the school. I feel as though I am really making a small difference in the lives of these students.

Another aspect I admire is the way Ty has taken his success on the football field, and used this as a springboard to success in serving others. One day I hope to be fortunate enough to follow a similar path, only using the business world as my starting point.

As Ty walks the halls of Bluestone, boys and teachers alike stand at attention and quiet down as he passes. He demands and receives respect, and each of these boys feels it is a privilege to attend his school. I know it is a privilege to work there, and am a better person for having had the opportunity.

Debbycorner /  
Aug 21, 2012   #2
Good essay. The only thing I would say, is that I got lost in your third paragraph, about the NFL Super Bowl . The first paragraph was awesome, try to keep the readers attention.
OP dixiej 1 / 6  
Aug 22, 2012   #3
Thanks. Appreciate the feedback.
13Oseik 1 / 2  
Aug 22, 2012   #4
Great start, but you don't show how Ty has influenced you. Briefly talk about Ty's career and talk more about his personality. Talk more about how he conducts himself and the relationship he holds with the people at his school. From there SHOW what you've learned from him and how you incorporate his teachings into your life. Pull the reader into a scene where you demonstrate his influence. You don't want to write to much about him, write about you. The essay is all about YOU, remember that.


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