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Common App Essay ("Grazie! Grazie!")



crissy1251 1 / 8  
Dec 26, 2008   #1
I've written about 5 or 6 essays, but I have a good feeling about this one. I'm not too sure if it says enough about me, or if it's good or not. I really need a few opinions; it's my first post! Thanks a lot!

Question: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

"Grazie! Grazie!" shouts the sun-wrinkled aged man, who shoves the small package into my hand. Overwhelmed by the massive crowd of people surrounding me and excited for the Murano glass necklace I just purchased, I decide to step to the side for a moment, trying to spot familiar faces. 'Where can they possibly be?' I ponder aloud as I anxiously begin searching for the four other members of my group. Before I know it, I am all alone with no familiar face in sight in a buzzing plaza in Florence, Italy.

'I'll be fine' I think, almost excited to venture back to the hotel by myself so that I can reach my 8 p.m. curfew, Italian time. As I walk through the crowded streets, I whip out my map and quickly look for signs and symbols to put me in the right direction. After ten minutes of trying to understand the map, I decide to resort to the next best thing- a currency exchange center. The kind woman at the desk, who speaks English very well, thoroughly explains to me how to get back to my hotel as I attentively listen. And so, I set off on my way back to the hotel, or at least I think so.

The next hour of my time in Florence is filled with excitement, curiosity, anxiety, and utter panic. As I spiritedly walk down a narrow, cobble-stone street, I am immediately lured into a small, shabby chic store that displays a Blondie-esq mannequin. After a few minutes of eagerly searching the store, I realize that I don't have enough petty American dollars to afford the high-class European vintage items. Disappointed, I walk out to find the sun slowly escaping my view. I glance at my phone, and it is already 7 p.m. My nerves begin to kick as I decide to prance down the street, trying to catch the sun. In a matter of minutes, the sun is gone, and I find myself at the end of the road and in the middle of an unfamiliar park. At this moment, I want to cry. The park is filled with a suspicious air and I have no idea what to do. My cell phone is not working and I don't know the number for the hotel. On top of all that worry, the thought of the recent kidnappings and murders of American students in foreign countries lingers through my mind.

'Get it together', finally says that little voice in my head, pushing me to stop thinking about the worst possibilities and begin my mission to once and for all find my way. I walk into café after café trying to communicate with the workers to ask them for directions. As I don't speak an ounce of Italian, this is much harder than I anticipate, but through the power of sign language, and tons of smiles, I manage to get proper directions. The time is now 7:50 p.m. and as I walk down yet another desolate block, I turn my head to the right, and at that moment my life is complete. Standing right in front me, beautifully lit, is the Piccadilly Hotel, my safe haven. Mission accomplished.

I make my way to my hotel room and I proceed to tell my friends, who are calmly waiting for me, about my unexpected adventure. As I consider the merits of the meaty tale I have to tell, I begin to have a tingling feeling inside. A sense of independency emerges, as I realize how much I learned from my little "adventure." Getting lost in the middle of Florence forced me to do two particular things that I was not used to doing- act quickly and interact with strangers.

As I look back on my day, I am surprised that I was for the most part, cool and collected throughout most of my voyage. I quickly adapted to the busy environment, and trusted my instincts to go to the right people for help. Although I acted capriciously in some moments, I was able to pick up on my mistakes and motivate myself, even in times of doubt, to find my way home. This small surprise turned out to be an eye opening event. As I worried as I was, somewhere inside of me enjoyed every second of interacting with the native Italian people. I was not ashamed to be an American and I was not ashamed to be ignorant of the Italian culture. Instead, I kept an open mind and a bright smile in order to show my understanding and respect for the help I received. Throughout the rest of my European excavation, I found myself to be more open-minded and sociable with the local people than I had ever been. Moreover, this adventure furthered my desire to interact with people of different cultures, explore new places, and have hundreds of hours to get lost in the depths of fascinating locations.

As I set off on my college endeavor I hope that my experience in Florence translates to many other experiences that I will have traveling abroad and learning about the complexities of other cultures. No matter what obstacles I come to face, my escapade in Florence had taught me that it is vital for me to keep my head up high, hold an open mind, continue walking, and readily ask for help.

****Should I have a title? Any suggestions?

qiuerwei 2 / 5  
Dec 26, 2008   #2
NO,IT'S PRETTY GOOD NOW
christineg711 2 / 23  
Dec 26, 2008   #3
I agree with qiuerwei, this essay is really good!
Andrew 2 / 6  
Dec 26, 2008   #4
Why do you guys think it's good? Would you like to get a similar useless advice from others?
zowzow 10 / 174  
Dec 26, 2008   #5
... why with the negativity?
OP crissy1251 1 / 8  
Dec 26, 2008   #6
thanks a lot guys! do you think anything should be changed/tweaked?
OP crissy1251 1 / 8  
Dec 26, 2008   #7
I'm really having trouble figuring out if it says enough about me. And I'm not too sure about the last two paragraphs? Any suggestions?
christineg711 2 / 23  
Dec 26, 2008   #8
My only suggestion would be that perhaps you start off with really strong detail and good showing but your second to last paragraph seems a bit abrupt. You also tell a lot as opposed to showing. Your voice in it seems a bit passive. Other than that, I like it
OP crissy1251 1 / 8  
Dec 26, 2008   #9
thanks!
I definitely understand what you're saying. Do you have any suggestions as to how I should change my second to last paragraph. I wanted it to be sort of a reflection on my day and how it impacted me. I'm just not too sure how to go about doing it.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 27, 2008   #11
Oops, you have a misplaced comma:

"Grazie! Grazie!" shouts the sun-wrinkled, aged man who shoves the small package into my hand...

'I'll be fine' I think, almost excited to venture back to the hotel by myself so that I can reach my curfew -- 8:00 PM.

A sense of independence emerges...

Ahh, this really is looking good. It shows that you put a lot of time into it. And at the end, you get right back to the idea of your college endeavor. This is good!

To answer your question, I always use titles when I can. A title is powerful. In fact, sometimes when I am just arguing with a family member and ranting about something -- I even give that rant a title, and then I explain it!! Titles are powerful. So, use them.
OP crissy1251 1 / 8  
Dec 27, 2008   #12
ahh thank you so much.
how about "An Italian Incitement"?
or maybe "Il Risveglio Italiano (The Italian Awakening)"

Really, thank you
christineg711 2 / 23  
Dec 27, 2008   #13
I like the second title a lot. It goes with what the essay is about and stands out.


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