Common App Essay: "Learing about life in an autorickshaw"

I would assume this fits under the "Topic of choice" prompt on the Common App:

It was a hot summer morning in Pondicherry, India. Visiting India right after my junior year in high school, I sat hunched in an auto rickshaw, my legs at an angle and my head slightly bent so that I would fit inside. As the rickshaw moved along, I remembered the advice my parents had given me prior to the trip: "Observe the places and, more importantly, the people that you see". I have been visiting India since the age of two, and the differences between life in India and the United States have always been apparent. But as I looked out of the three-wheeled vehicle, I realized that for the first time those differences irritated me.

People seemed to be a genuinely disinterested in the state of their surroundings. There was dirt everywhere: on unpaved roads and piled into mounds, for seemingly no reason. There was no need for trash cans; people would throw away their garbage wherever they saw fit, and that usually meant on the road. The smell of exhaust was overwhelming as the auto rickshaw passed large trucks belching columns of black smoke. When other auto rickshaws passed us, they left behind not only their distinct puttering sound, but also a cloud of white effervescence.

My family and I used auto rickshaws almost daily during our stay in Pondicherry, and each trip was filled with the same sights. None of these sights were new to me, but it bothered me that no one seemed to care. The pollution and dirt were dangerous to the environment and to people's health. I began making mental notes of how things could be fixed: more trash cans could be placed on the roadside, the roads could be paved, and cars could face emissions requirements. I had taken my parents' advice and observed the things I saw, and I was not pleased.

One day, our auto rickshaw stopped next to a family of four riding on a single scooter. The man steering the scooter looked straight ahead, waiting for traffic to move. There was no hint of worry on his face; to him, four people on a scooter was ordinary. It was then that I remembered the rest of my parents' advice: observe the people. I found that the people of Pondicherry were used to the conditions I regarded as deplorable. To them, what I saw as a problem was nothing out of the ordinary.

When my parents told me to observe my surroundings, they wanted me to experience India, but I did more than that. Initially, I may have been overly critical of the conditions that I saw. I observed, but I only noted the negative aspects of life. However, I came to the realization that people get used to what they have. I have had the privilege of living with certain luxuries that may not be readily available everywhere, but that does not mean that people live unhappy lives.

Through the power of observation, I learned to be thankful for the life I have and to not judge a person or place based on an initial reaction. Just because certain conditions do not appeal to me does not mean that things will get better if the conditions are changed; after all, happiness comes in many forms. I went to India to visit family and left with a new view on life, all thanks to trips in a three wheeled auto rickshaw.

I'm not really sure if this tells something about me, but you be the judge. I know it's rather long (699 words), but I couldn't figure out what I should/could cut out. Please, be harsh. Any help & suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

throw away THEIR garbage

Also, can't this fit under diversity, since you experience a diversity of cultures?

Good observations. I think you have a solid essay on your hands.

If not too much trouble, please:

On diversity, Common App.

essayforum.com/undergraduate-admission-essays-2/platos-alle gory-cave-importance-diversity-common-app-13784/

@autogunny: Thanks for your suggestions.

For that last paragraph, however, I wasn't really going for "how I applied it to my life". I really just wanted to emphasize what I realized: it's not about what you don't have, but rather being happy and content with what you do have.

@paulina213: thanks for pointing out that mistake. didn't notice that "there" was there.

Not really sure which category it falls into... it could also be part of the "experience" one. I think I may just put it under topic of choice - that way it is on topic ;)

Hi, nikhurs I put my NYU supplements in my other thread. Can you scroll down below and edit it?

About your essay:


This is the overall message of your essay. But it doesn't relate back. "A few cursory glances", you specifically say you learned to see more because of your parents. So you have definitely learned to see India in a new way. But what about the world? You need to develop that connection.

i really like yours. your description and imagery is excellent. conclusion is great.

i would end with "so i sat in the ... and smiled" i really like that sentence. I think that last sentence breaks up the imagery and flow so i'd just get rid of it.

nice job
Ayshaya

please review my essay if you get the chance. "blue eyes"- common app- person who influenced me.

This is my edited version:

The smell of exhaust was overwhelming as the auto rickshaw passed large trucks belching columns of black smoke. When other auto rickshaws passed us, they left behind not only their distinct puttering sound, but also a cloud of white effervescence.

The pollution and dirt (different word?) were dangerous to the environment and to people's health.

I found that the people of Pondicherry were used to the conditions I regarded as deplorable.

Through the power of observation, I learned to be thankful for the life I have and to not judge a person or place based on an initial reaction. Just because certain conditions do not appeal to me does not mean that things will get better if the conditions are changed ; after all, happiness comes in many forms. I went to India to visit family and left with a new view on life, all thanks to trips in a three wheeled auto rickshaw.

Is the message too general (last paragraph)? Also, am I focusing too much on the negative observations?

But as I looked out of the three-wheeled vehicle, I realized that for the first time that those differences irritated me.

or is it this...

But as I looked out of the three-wheeled vehicle, I realized for the first time that those differences irritated me.

The way to make it better is to make it clear in the beginning what you are irritated about. Write a sentence in the first or second paragraph that finds words to capture what you are talking about. I think it is not just littering... you are observing a certain attitude. Give some clear explanation of your main idea, both at the beginning and at the end.

:-)