Common App - Loss of Father - we have shared the "special thing"

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

650 words max

I used to have a lot of stuffed animals. My bed was piled so high with them that I would blend in with them while I slept. When I was 5, my dad thought it would be fun to use my massive quantities of stuffed animals to help him take on an alter ego: the tickle monster. Every night before I went to sleep, I would hide in my mountains of stuffed animals, and my dad would try to find me: our mini game of hide-and-seek. When he would find me, he would become the tickle monster and tickle me until I laughed so hard could barely breathe. Once I would regain control of myself, he would tuck me into bed and kiss me goodnight.

Every night I was sure that that time the tickle monster wouldn't find me; I would move around all of my stuffed animals and and try hiding in different spots in my bed (the many different places I could hide in my twin sized bed), yet every night he would still find me. Each night would end with the tickle monster tickling me and our nightly game of hide-and-seek became our "special thing."

Even when my jealous sister tried to join in on the fun, hide-and-seek was still just our "special thing."
One night became a not-so-ordinary night when my dad tickled me so relentlessly I projectile vomited all over my sheets. My dad and I (but mostly my dad) had to clean up all of my sheets, my stuffed animals, and me. Luckily for me, I got to stay up well past my bedtime. Our fun "special thing" quickly became synonymous with cleaning up vomit, so that was the last night we played hide-and-seek before bed.

We tried to find a new "special thing," making breakfast for my mom every weekend, practicing basketball in the park, and gardening. None of these things were a sufficient replacement because my siblings always got to tag along.

We never found a new "special thing." My dad passed away when I was seven. I barely understood what death was, so much so I went to school the day after he passed away because I had a Leprechaun trap to turn in.

Although I can't really remember my dad, I'm glad we were able to share our "special thing." It may have ended poorly, but I'm thankful that my memories with him are so joyful. Moving forward, I try finding the "special things" in every relationship I have. Finding a "special thing" with all of my friends and family gives me a way to remember everyone by, and a small reminder that he's always still here.

I know this essay isn't the greatest so I'd really appreciate any and all criticism! Thank you!

Aly, I think that you need to revise this essay. The main point of the prompt is to allow you to present something regarding your background, talent, interest, or trait. So the essay should focus solely on you as the point of discussion. In this case however, the focus of the story was on your dad. Since there was nothing extra remarkable about the "hide and seek" game that you played with him, it just comes across as flat and part of an ill conceived essay.

If you want to discuss your dad, then it has to be in relation to something specific about you and your development as a person. While this open topic essay allows you to discuss any theme that you want to, you, as the writer, still need to adhere to some specific requirements from the prompt. Only the topic is open, the category that it should fall under is not.

Can you tell a different story? If you want to keep your dad in the equation, then use his death as the focal point of the essay. Have his death become the foundation of your coming to terms with and understanding what death is all about. I think that would work very well as a background topic for your essay. Otherwise, there are a number of other topics that you can consider as sub category of the choices you were given for discussion.