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Common app- "The Pseudo Note"



Arturuos 1 / 2  
Dec 5, 2011   #1
I would appreciate feedback on this one. Please tell me if it is interesting or fast/slow pace or anything!
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Nicholas Molinski

The Pseudo Note

I tightened the tension in my hand to clench my trusted guitar pick tightly between my lightly moist thumb and my callused index finger. In the next eight bars of music, it would be my turn to unleash a jazzy guitar solo into the fine-tuned ears of the Delta Jazz Festival judges. With my high school band playing on, I counted the remaining bars six...five...four. I knew the solo; I had practiced it the entire year without fail, there was nothing to fear; however, maybe I should add something new to impress everyone? Three... two... With confidence, I quickly searched inside my head for all the available scales I could reference to add some zest to the solo. The last bar approached, I would have to make a decision fast. Suddenly, the pitter-patter of the classic wood-carved drums shifted in tempo, signaling it was time for the solo. Showtime.

"Twang."

What I unleashed from my guitar had made the crowd stop and take their breath. One of the judges widened his eyes in astonishment. The single note that came out of my guitar was a measly twang of a C-sharp; a note did not even follow the song's key. I was stunned.

Between fixing my old 1969 Mustang and exploring my imagination in art, music was my third favorite hobby. Originally to add something to my repertoire of skills, it became more than. It helped me develop a prudent work ethic as I spent many fleeting afternoons sweating and even bleeding to learn all the twisting chords and lucrative scales in order to be lead-guitarist of my band. My further delving into sound promoted my aspiration to become an engineer as I practiced my creative potential. With music being such an influence to my life, messing up my first lead solo during a live performance killed me inside.

I knew my teacher would be disappointed, and when he began approaching me after the song, I prepared myself to lose my "head" title.

"Mr. Molinski, what happened out there?" he asked in a concerned tone.

"I didn't think the solos I knew were good," I replied, explaining that I was embarrassed and did not think they would be good enough.

"The solos you practiced at school were impressive. I did not keep you as first guitarist without reason."

I began to ponder; realizing that by trying to impress people, I was not showing them who I really was. I am a proficient guitarist, but my goal to be ostentatious had left me looking like a novice. I always reference this experience to help me combat peer pressure. My friends think of me as a leader because I am not afraid to do what I enjoy. I stay drug-free and have my mind set on being an engineer. I have won numerous awards--such as "Most Inspirational" for my soccer team--because I am hardworking and understand my life's goals. The impact of the jazz festival helped me to learn that the most impressive thing I can do is to be myself and follow what I do to the best of my abilities. Moreover, the following year, as lead-guitarist, I nailed my practiced solo and assisted our band to win fourth place.

mindofadrone 1 / 1  
Dec 5, 2011   #2
I like the story as well! :)

There's a bit of superfluous detail in the first paragraph, especially in your first sentence (add detail to where it is needed; it's iffy just to set the exposition). It's just my take on it.

The last paragraph sounds kind of mechanistic. In fact, it doesn't sound like you at all! Try not to be intimidated when trying to answer the question. Let it flow. Staying drug-free does not flow, sadly to say, and the awards part isn't adding to the rhythm. Try to word your last paragraph along the first and last sentences of that paragraph - these are the keys of the paragraph that end your essay on a strong note and, more importantly, make you shine as an individual.
OP Arturuos 1 / 2  
Dec 5, 2011   #3
Thank you so much for your feed back mindofadrone!, I will begin working on some edits ASAP.


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