Hey guys im applying to northwestern engineering. This is just the personal statement. Thank you guys so much for reading this.
Pleae give me your thoughts on this essay. Is it a little arrogant. or risky?
thanks
As I stared at the pistachio colored government issued hat and the type-56 modified Ak-47 that was handed to me, I stood amongst a group of soldiers in Hainan Province's First Division Branch of the Chinese People's Armed Police Force.
Originally, I intended this essay to be a detailed account of how I overcame a problem, or how I adapted to a new environment, or how I would gain a new perspective in life, or how I volunteered in the first place as a show of a courageous act. Maybe I would have even used my interactions with the soldiers to juxtapose my life with theirs; and, write on how I became grateful for my life of luxury from then on. Then I would go on to gloat and exaggerate every detail, spice up the writing, and conclude with a revelation on my life and mysteriously interject a quote to signal the grand finale. I wrote about a dozen or so of these essays.
"Write in the active voice and don't rely on a thesaurus. Focus on one small incident and expand it into an essay. Be specific and vivid," "How to write the College Essay" handbook told me. But I have never liked formulas. It takes the excitement out of experiences. There is a façade of meaning to formulas but in the end, I would just be banking on someone else's work-there is no reward in that. Do I just rely on a determined ratio between story telling and reflection? I look at the personal statement and all I see from it is restrictions. Its façade gives me a chance to write about something true to myself, yet what if what is true for me is also true for others? Well, then my counselor would say it is cliché-ridden, and tell me to write about something else. Although the possibilities range from poems to cartoon drawings, in the end, the essay is part of an advertisement campaign to sell an end product: the student. A system in which innovation itself is part of the formula, what constitutes true innovation?
The fact is that I'm seventeen years old, whatever truths on life I hold will, according to a correlation between age and epiphanies, undoubtedly change.
"If they give you lined paper, write the other way." - Juan Ramón Jiménez
Pleae give me your thoughts on this essay. Is it a little arrogant. or risky?
thanks
As I stared at the pistachio colored government issued hat and the type-56 modified Ak-47 that was handed to me, I stood amongst a group of soldiers in Hainan Province's First Division Branch of the Chinese People's Armed Police Force.
Originally, I intended this essay to be a detailed account of how I overcame a problem, or how I adapted to a new environment, or how I would gain a new perspective in life, or how I volunteered in the first place as a show of a courageous act. Maybe I would have even used my interactions with the soldiers to juxtapose my life with theirs; and, write on how I became grateful for my life of luxury from then on. Then I would go on to gloat and exaggerate every detail, spice up the writing, and conclude with a revelation on my life and mysteriously interject a quote to signal the grand finale. I wrote about a dozen or so of these essays.
"Write in the active voice and don't rely on a thesaurus. Focus on one small incident and expand it into an essay. Be specific and vivid," "How to write the College Essay" handbook told me. But I have never liked formulas. It takes the excitement out of experiences. There is a façade of meaning to formulas but in the end, I would just be banking on someone else's work-there is no reward in that. Do I just rely on a determined ratio between story telling and reflection? I look at the personal statement and all I see from it is restrictions. Its façade gives me a chance to write about something true to myself, yet what if what is true for me is also true for others? Well, then my counselor would say it is cliché-ridden, and tell me to write about something else. Although the possibilities range from poems to cartoon drawings, in the end, the essay is part of an advertisement campaign to sell an end product: the student. A system in which innovation itself is part of the formula, what constitutes true innovation?
The fact is that I'm seventeen years old, whatever truths on life I hold will, according to a correlation between age and epiphanies, undoubtedly change.
"If they give you lined paper, write the other way." - Juan Ramón Jiménez
