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Common App Essay - Sounds of My Life

voteforandy1 5 / 15 1  
Oct 14, 2012   #1
I'm applying to Princeton Early Action, and I recently wrote this essay. I believe it to be the best I've written, manily because the others seem cliche. Is this cliche too? It felt pretty original when I was writing it. Thanks for the criticisms! They are greatly appreciated!

My thoughts are blank. My mind is too weak to fight the music from filling my head with beauty. I am overtaken. No room for my thoughts exist as the guitar strums to my heartbeat, or as the drum's beat quickens. I smile. I don't have to try for enjoyment in these moments of bliss. The headphones are slightly uncomfortable in my ears, but the bass in the song makes me forget. Ever since I can remember, I've been addicted to sound.

When I hear a song, I am gullible to the lyrics, vulnerable to the artist's feelings, and defenseless against joy. Harmonies make me giggle, and chord resolutions have the power to make my heart flutter. Best part about being a musicphile? Sound is everywhere! It's always accessible. Even in a room without music, I sing my own songs; listen to the sounds around me. I harmonize with the radio, the school bell's ring, and even the vacuum cleaner's whir. I've been in love with the intro to The Lion King since I was three years old, and indeed, gospel choir music has long been one of my not-so-guilty pleasures. For most of my life, I simply admired music, but now I've grown to become a music creator as well. I write songs; I sing everywhere; I am free. I rarely decline when friends or strangers ask me to serenade them, and I'm not afraid to ask the same of others. In chemistry class, I wrote a song to remember the diatomic elements, and the quadratic formula still exists in my head as a song to the tune of Pop Goes the Weasle. I seek out music and sound everywhere in my life. I believe that the best things in life are free, and sound is one of these gifts.

I didn't think of my obsession with sounds as unique until last year. Driving back to Gladstone one night, the cross country team was playing "Would You Rather... ". When it was her turn, Nicole asked me, "Would you rather be deaf or blind?" I thought through the basic pros and cons, but then I just said, "Blind, because if I was deaf, I wouldn't be able to hear." I'm sure I sounded like an idiot, but the question provoked a lot of thought. The idea of eternal silence was so unimaginable that I could think of no worse consequence. Without the rustle of leaves, the jingle of change, or the sound of a choir, who would I be? I would not be myself. I think that the idea of deafness scared me because the thought of music comforts me. Without that comfort, I would be a different, lesser version of myself. But I am not afraid. I will never suffer beyond relief while music still exists in my life. It is too beautiful an escape.
OP voteforandy1 5 / 15 1  
Oct 14, 2012   #2
Bump. I'll critique yours if you critique mine!
OP voteforandy1 5 / 15 1  
Oct 14, 2012   #3
No replies?! Please help critique!!! Thanks! I'm applying to Princeton early and need all the help I can get.
Ariel421 3 / 15 1  
Oct 28, 2012   #4
U are an adept writer.
I would prob suggest elaborate on how music has really affect ur life and ur mood. Give some more examples. And I think the last paragraph could be more concise.

Can you pls critique mine as well? I'd be really grateful.
zhdevilla 2 / 4  
Oct 28, 2012   #5
bump I also need critique

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