Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
I sometimes recall the spontaneous anti-Muslim riots, which caused me to feel unwelcome in my home country as a child. These riots occurred while my family and I lived in India, where the Muslim religion has long standing tensions with the Hindu majority. Witnessing these riots introduced me to the dark side of humanity; a side of humanity that I longed to change. I could have taken the easy road, which would have been to give into and perpetuate the intolerance. Yet, I chose to embrace diversity, welcome change, and to pursue my goals. While seeing the dark side of humanity and the associated intolerance led to a loss of my childhood innocence, it also ushered in a newfound maturity through which I saw a need to foster cultural competence and to embrace diversity.
I feel fortunate to have found my passion in life at such a young age. As a student, I had an abundance of time to delve into the world of computer programming. My desire to learn to program software came intrinsically and thus, always drew me back no matter how hard the challenge. I spent countless nights staring at complex codes in order to fix a small problem. I never received external help with my programming pursuits. Rather, I taught myself how to program using only textbooks, the internet, and experimentation. My desire to excel in programming is reinforced by the fact that I have seen a rise of computing in the world. I am extremely proud of the fact that I have early success with my programming pursuits after dedicating so much time and effort into developing software. I hope to continue to develop successful applications in the future and make a meaningful contribution to computer science. Furthermore, having taught myself programming made me realize the need teach future generations about the importance of developing computer programming skills. As such, I give back to the community by contributing to all kinds of open-source software projects. Unbeknownst to me, computer programming would help me encounter other challenges in my life. For example, when I was faced with an incredibly difficult task of making friends in a new culture, I applied the same techniques I used to excel in developing my computer skills; I spent additional time trying to understand the culture and I looked for additional resources that would help me complete the assignment.
After moving to the U.S. at age 15, I encountered a new challenge of learning to assimilate into American life. My first few months at an American public school were alien to me, as I had to learn new customs, culture, and make new friends. I was sustained by my goals and ambition, particularly my desire to excel in programming and to create a better life for myself and my family. I quickly became excited and motivated to learn about my new environment. As a result of drive to succeed, my software applications were published by major companies and have hundreds of thousands of users. This showed me that perseverance pays off. It also helped me become more mature in developing goals. I am driven to learn from leaders in the field of computer science and to expand what I independently taught myself about programming through textbooks and experimentation. Furthermore, I appreciate the opportunity to pursue my goal of obtaining a higher education.
After my family and I fled the persecution in India, I applied for political asylum in the U.S. I am grateful everyday for the opportunity to pursue my dreams without fear of retribution for a religious affiliation. I truly believe that I am lucky to have the opportunity to live in a culture that welcomes and embraces diversity. I immediately felt welcomed and safe in the U.S. and this experience has made me more open to people from different backgrounds and life experiences. It has also made me a stronger person to have interacted and learned from these experiences.
The intolerance that I experienced during the riots in India was later balanced out by all the generosity and friendliness I experienced in the U.S. Furthermore, I felt that Americans were more accepting of cultural differences. My background has made me stronger and more mature than many of my peers. Living under religious persecution forced me to grow up more quickly and has allowed me to appreciate the opportunity of pursuing my goals. Thus, I would bring my unique background of fleeing religious persecution, my computer programming skills, and appreciation of diversity. Furthermore, my maturity, drive to succeed in a foreign land, and established record of academic excellence would enable me to become a responsible and successful student.
I would appreciate any feedback about my essay. This is my college application essay, and I'm applying to top universities. I would especially appreciate feedback about how interesting or impressive the essay sounds. I think the essay has some issues transitioning from one paragraph to the next, but I'm not sure what to do about it.
Thank you in advance!
I sometimes recall the spontaneous anti-Muslim riots, which caused me to feel unwelcome in my home country as a child. These riots occurred while my family and I lived in India, where the Muslim religion has long standing tensions with the Hindu majority. Witnessing these riots introduced me to the dark side of humanity; a side of humanity that I longed to change. I could have taken the easy road, which would have been to give into and perpetuate the intolerance. Yet, I chose to embrace diversity, welcome change, and to pursue my goals. While seeing the dark side of humanity and the associated intolerance led to a loss of my childhood innocence, it also ushered in a newfound maturity through which I saw a need to foster cultural competence and to embrace diversity.
I feel fortunate to have found my passion in life at such a young age. As a student, I had an abundance of time to delve into the world of computer programming. My desire to learn to program software came intrinsically and thus, always drew me back no matter how hard the challenge. I spent countless nights staring at complex codes in order to fix a small problem. I never received external help with my programming pursuits. Rather, I taught myself how to program using only textbooks, the internet, and experimentation. My desire to excel in programming is reinforced by the fact that I have seen a rise of computing in the world. I am extremely proud of the fact that I have early success with my programming pursuits after dedicating so much time and effort into developing software. I hope to continue to develop successful applications in the future and make a meaningful contribution to computer science. Furthermore, having taught myself programming made me realize the need teach future generations about the importance of developing computer programming skills. As such, I give back to the community by contributing to all kinds of open-source software projects. Unbeknownst to me, computer programming would help me encounter other challenges in my life. For example, when I was faced with an incredibly difficult task of making friends in a new culture, I applied the same techniques I used to excel in developing my computer skills; I spent additional time trying to understand the culture and I looked for additional resources that would help me complete the assignment.
After moving to the U.S. at age 15, I encountered a new challenge of learning to assimilate into American life. My first few months at an American public school were alien to me, as I had to learn new customs, culture, and make new friends. I was sustained by my goals and ambition, particularly my desire to excel in programming and to create a better life for myself and my family. I quickly became excited and motivated to learn about my new environment. As a result of drive to succeed, my software applications were published by major companies and have hundreds of thousands of users. This showed me that perseverance pays off. It also helped me become more mature in developing goals. I am driven to learn from leaders in the field of computer science and to expand what I independently taught myself about programming through textbooks and experimentation. Furthermore, I appreciate the opportunity to pursue my goal of obtaining a higher education.
After my family and I fled the persecution in India, I applied for political asylum in the U.S. I am grateful everyday for the opportunity to pursue my dreams without fear of retribution for a religious affiliation. I truly believe that I am lucky to have the opportunity to live in a culture that welcomes and embraces diversity. I immediately felt welcomed and safe in the U.S. and this experience has made me more open to people from different backgrounds and life experiences. It has also made me a stronger person to have interacted and learned from these experiences.
The intolerance that I experienced during the riots in India was later balanced out by all the generosity and friendliness I experienced in the U.S. Furthermore, I felt that Americans were more accepting of cultural differences. My background has made me stronger and more mature than many of my peers. Living under religious persecution forced me to grow up more quickly and has allowed me to appreciate the opportunity of pursuing my goals. Thus, I would bring my unique background of fleeing religious persecution, my computer programming skills, and appreciation of diversity. Furthermore, my maturity, drive to succeed in a foreign land, and established record of academic excellence would enable me to become a responsible and successful student.
I would appreciate any feedback about my essay. This is my college application essay, and I'm applying to top universities. I would especially appreciate feedback about how interesting or impressive the essay sounds. I think the essay has some issues transitioning from one paragraph to the next, but I'm not sure what to do about it.
Thank you in advance!