I was the first of our family to be born outside our native country, Korea. Not wanting their firstborn to be disconnected, my parents made sure that I did not lose my tie with Korean culture. Night after night, no matter what I craved, I was forced to eat Korean food. I was even enrolled into a Korean Saturday school for many years where they taught me how to read, write, and speak Korean. There, I also learned how to play Pung-mul, a form of Korean traditional drumming. However, it all seemed to be forced onto me and I had no inherent desire to learn about my ancestor's culture. I felt that there was no need for me to stay connected to Korean culture because I was living in America. I soon realized how wrong I was when my family took a trip to Korea during the summer of 2002.
After a long flight, we had finally arrived, in what seemed like a different world. As I stepped off the plane the warm, humid air caught hold of my body. These were my first steps in Korea, yet I felt a connection to my native country - a connection that was built by my parents over course of my life.
We traveled around the country meeting many relatives, but the most memorable parts of the vacation were the visits to the many cultural sites of Korea. Sites, such as traditional Korean Buddhist temples and Korea's most prized national treasure Namdaemun, a huge wooden temple in the middle of a bustling modern world, made me feel proud of my culture. We also attended a Korean cultural festival where we played traditional Korean games such as Yootnori, an old-fashioned board game involving throwing sticks instead of dice. I also witnessed professional Pung-mul players whose skills were much above mine. After engaging and actively accepting thousands of years worth of Korean history and culture, I began to realize that I could not change who I am, no matter where I lived.
After returning back to America, I started to learn more about Korean culture, not forcefully from my parents, but on my own. With my new found motivation, I quickly learned the Korean language in several months, a skill which before showed no progress for many years. I started to watch Korean television to enhance my vocabulary and to learn about the events going on in Korea. I started listening to Korean music and became interested in the Korean-pop industry. The summer of 2002 forever changed how I identified myself. Simply because I live in America does not mean I am just American, I am also Korean, and am proud to call myself a Korean-American.
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A revised version took your suggestions and I kinda changed the last sentence, is it better this way?
And why should there be a semicolon before the however in the first para?
Also in microsoft word it keeps saying to correct "thousands of years" to "thousands of year's" which is correct?
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442 words.
Any grammartical mistakes? And can you check if the tense of my verbs are correct i seem to have a habit of changing the tense alot in my essays.
Also, I used certain term such as "Pung-Mul" and "Yootnori" which are words in korean which is part of my culture. You think its okay to just leave it like that? since I explained what it is.
Any comments on organization or comments in general are appreciated.
I was the first of our family to be born outside our native country, Korea .
I also learned how to play Pung-mul, a form of Korean traditional drumming, there; however, no matter what they tried, it felt forced onto me and I had no motivation to learn about my culture.
Sites, such as traditional Korean Buddhist temples and Korea's number one national treasure Namdaemun, a huge wooden temple in the middle of a bustling modern world, made me feel proud of my culture.
I was not only an American because I lived there, I was also Korean, and I am proud to call myself a Korean-American.
Watch out on your tenses! Sometimes you used past tense when you should have used present (like the last sentence). Good job! Very cool essay!
Thanks for the revisions. and yeah I have habit of switching tenses unconsciously. You think you can point out the other tense mistakes, if your not busy? I'll try looking for them again
Also "I also witnessed professional Pung-mul players whose skills were much above mine. After witnessing thousands of years worth of Korean history and culture, I began to realize that I could not change who I am, no matter where I lived."
I use the verb witness in two sentences back to back. Another other word I can replace it with? or is it okay as it is?
I think that the other tenses are ok. I just would change the last sentence to present tense because (I assume) you are still proud to be a Korean-American... :) Personally, I would use this instead (witness problem):
"After engaging and actively accepting thousands of years worth of Korean history and culture, I began to realize that I could not change who I am, no matter where I lived."
I would try not to use the same verb in the same essay especially with a short essay. You want to show off what you know.
