Below is my Common Application Essay. Any comments/advice would be appreciated!
It Wasn't All About Me
On a Saturday in March, 2005, my life changed forever. That day, it wasn't all about me. That day, I was partnered with Jorge. Jorge was 6 and homeless. I was 13 and volunteering with my middle school's National Junior Honor Society at Operation School Bell, a program that provides new clothing, shoes and other essentials to 7,000 disadvantaged school children each year.
After I introduced myself to Jorge and explained what we were going to do, Jorge nervously blurted out "I live at Childhaven. Will I be back there in time for lunch?"
I said, "After we pick out your new clothing, you're going to eat pizza."
"Wow, Pizza!" Jorge shouted, giddy with excitement.
As I helped Jorge pick out his new jeans, shirts, and shoes, he looked up at me and said "It's like Christmas!" During the 45 minutes we spent together, he was no longer a homeless child wearing his poverty. He was 6 year old Jorge, wearing his new shoes, new clothes, and a great big smile.
I found out later that Childhaven was a shelter for homeless children who did not live with their parents mostly due to the parents' drug abuse, child neglect, or just the inability to support their children. At 13, I did not know how important food or a pair of shoes that fit or a toothbrush were to a homeless child. I had assumed all kids had the same things I had.
When it was time to choose my Boy Scout Eagle Service Project, I wanted to help children like Jorge. I was the first Boy Scout in Las Vegas to select Operation School Bell. Because I was the first to choose this project, I worked hard to convince my somewhat skeptical Scoutmaster that the project was worthwhile. As the leader of this project, I organized a group of 20 scouts, parents and friends to partner, one-on-one, with 60 homeless elementary school kids to select clothing, shoes, and other supplies. To my surprise, after the day was over, my Scoutmaster's son put his arm around his father and said, "Dad, this was the best community service I've ever done! I had so much fun!" Since then, 7 other Boy Scouts in Las Vegas have held their Eagle Service Projects at School Bell.
After earning my Eagle Rank in 2008, I have continued to volunteer over 100 hours at Operation School Bell either clothing children, making hygiene kits or stocking shelves. This year, the Chairman of Operation School Bell nominated me for an award for my years of volunteering. In September, I was honored to be selected as the 2010 Outstanding Youth in Philanthropy (by the Association of Fundraising Professionals).
I am grateful that my service to Operation School Bell and to the community of Las Vegas has been recognized, but that's not why I volunteer. I volunteer because of kids like Jorge. His poverty and homelessness touched me, but his smile touched me even more.
Mother Teresa is quoted as saying, "We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do." But, I do know some good that a simple smile can do. A simple smile can change a person. I know because Jorge's smile changed me -- forever. I have learned how good I feel when helping others. But, most important, I have learned that it's not all about me.
His poverty and homelessness touched me, but his smile touched me even more.
Experiment with different verbs here to see if you can improve the sentence. What other verbs could be used? "Touched me even more" is a little awkward.
This is a great idea for an essay...
But, I do know. some good that a simple smile can do. A simple smile can change a person. I know because Jorge's smile changed me. -- forever. I have learned how good I feel when helping others. But, most important, I have learned that it's not all about me.
(above) I just trimmed away a little. This is looking good!!
