I faced my biggest challenge so far in my life when I agreed to follow my father to the United States for three years when he was sent here from his work. Not many people get a chance to live outside of their native country, and to a certain extent, I was lucky enough to have given a chance to learn and experience new things outside of my boundaries. Yet, I was about to turn 15, and was very vulnerable and sensitive, so the decision was very hard to make; I said yes because I felt that my father wanted me to, but in the back of my mind I had doubts, and I was hesitant to tell my friends about it because I wasn't sure if going to the United States was such a good thing. I always perceived America to be another world with completely different people with big noses and tall figures. All my life I've been moving to new places and been forced to make new friends and cope with new environment, but the excitement I felt when I was younger was incomparable to the nervousness and fear I was feeling then. At the age of 15, I knew the difference between being 'different' and being 'special.'
I kept a couple of air refreshers and deodorants in my locker and sprayed them all over my body during breaks in school for I was fearful that the strong fragrance of Korean food of garlic and spices would alienate people from me. Because of this stress that I might smell and discomfort others, I always kept at least a foot of distance with other people; when someone approached me, I automatically took a step back to create that distance. Making eye contact was the hardest. I didn't know where to rest my eyes during conversations; Every time I tried to keep the eye contact, I ended up looking at the ground or the ceiling. My lack of confidence didn't allow me to be very free with hand gestures, so I always shoved my hands deep inside my pockets during conversations.
Lectures were really hard to follow and understand, but I was reluctant to raise my hand and ask questions because I was afraid my questions may sound stupid to other classmates. Instead, I stayed after school to ask questions that would've taken only a couple of seconds in class for the teacher to answer. Whenever we had discussions in class I couldn't participate fully. By the time I thought and organized in my head the comments I would make, we were already discussing a new topic. Also I was hesitant to make comments for the same reason why I didn't ask questions in class-I thought I may sound stupid in front of others. I avoided eye contact with teachers for I was afraid they would ask me questions; instead, I pretended to take notes even when I had no idea what the teacher was talking about.
I could not find a true home in this country, and in only a couple of months, I found myself awfully stressed. My hair was actually falling out from the center of the top of my head due to stress. I always kept a beanie hat in my backpack to wear it as soon as school ended. Nonetheless, I did not avoid the challenge as I believed I could survive and blend in once more. I tried to make more American friends by sitting with them during lunch and tried to distance myself from friends who only spoke Korean by avoiding their circles. In my laptop, I downloaded every episode of Family Guy, Friends, House, as well as other T.V. shows and watched them every night after finishing homework to be able to participate in conversations during lunch. My iPod that only had Korean songs was now being filled with American songs of various genres.
Slowly but surely, as I kept trying, I was 'blending in.' I was successful in making new friends easily, I started to care less about the smell of Korean food, I was able to ask questions and make comments in class, and I stopped losing hair and stopped using air refreshers.
When I started to feel less insecure, and adjusting to the new life became easier, I realized that being different isn't a bad thing. My diversity could enlighten others, and my difference could help them as well as myself. I survived through stressful experiences and found that valuable lesson. I am now fearless to stand up and accept and cherish that I'm different.
thanks :)
I kept a couple of air refreshers and deodorants in my locker and sprayed them all over my body during breaks in school for I was fearful that the strong fragrance of Korean food of garlic and spices would alienate people from me. Because of this stress that I might smell and discomfort others, I always kept at least a foot of distance with other people; when someone approached me, I automatically took a step back to create that distance. Making eye contact was the hardest. I didn't know where to rest my eyes during conversations; Every time I tried to keep the eye contact, I ended up looking at the ground or the ceiling. My lack of confidence didn't allow me to be very free with hand gestures, so I always shoved my hands deep inside my pockets during conversations.
Lectures were really hard to follow and understand, but I was reluctant to raise my hand and ask questions because I was afraid my questions may sound stupid to other classmates. Instead, I stayed after school to ask questions that would've taken only a couple of seconds in class for the teacher to answer. Whenever we had discussions in class I couldn't participate fully. By the time I thought and organized in my head the comments I would make, we were already discussing a new topic. Also I was hesitant to make comments for the same reason why I didn't ask questions in class-I thought I may sound stupid in front of others. I avoided eye contact with teachers for I was afraid they would ask me questions; instead, I pretended to take notes even when I had no idea what the teacher was talking about.
I could not find a true home in this country, and in only a couple of months, I found myself awfully stressed. My hair was actually falling out from the center of the top of my head due to stress. I always kept a beanie hat in my backpack to wear it as soon as school ended. Nonetheless, I did not avoid the challenge as I believed I could survive and blend in once more. I tried to make more American friends by sitting with them during lunch and tried to distance myself from friends who only spoke Korean by avoiding their circles. In my laptop, I downloaded every episode of Family Guy, Friends, House, as well as other T.V. shows and watched them every night after finishing homework to be able to participate in conversations during lunch. My iPod that only had Korean songs was now being filled with American songs of various genres.
Slowly but surely, as I kept trying, I was 'blending in.' I was successful in making new friends easily, I started to care less about the smell of Korean food, I was able to ask questions and make comments in class, and I stopped losing hair and stopped using air refreshers.
When I started to feel less insecure, and adjusting to the new life became easier, I realized that being different isn't a bad thing. My diversity could enlighten others, and my difference could help them as well as myself. I survived through stressful experiences and found that valuable lesson. I am now fearless to stand up and accept and cherish that I'm different.
thanks :)
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