Common application essay - My grandmother; 'Nothing good without sacrifice'

"Nothing good in this world ever comes without sacrifice." This is something my grandmother taught me at a young age. My grandmother was an immigrant with no more than a sixth grade education who raised seven children and put six through college all on her own. I've learned a lot about sacrifice from her. She came to the U.S. in 1969 from Trinidad and left behind six of her children. It wasn't until 1974 that she was able to bring them to America to live with her.

Even in America she had her struggles; she had to deal with an abusive husband who wouldn't financially support her, who took her money, and who wouldn't tell her on what he spent it. She ended up divorcing him and took much pride in her newfound independence. Jean had to raise seven kids and pay off a mortgage on top of all this. Due to her sacrifice, I have an advantage to achieve without such arduous struggles. Not many people would be able to do what she did. When I hear her tell those stories I think about what I have and I have to wonder, "Did I do anything to really deserve this?" In my aunts and uncles I see how they were able to benefit because of my grandmother's labors. She's one of the many hard working immigrants that have helped make this great country what it is today: a land of opportunity.

My grandmother also taught me the value of money. A couple years ago I was at home she asked me to pick up some stamps for her because they were going up by two cents. She wanted to send some letters but I had said that two cents didn't make much of a difference and that I would pick some up the next day. Later I realized that I had been selfish because while two cents means little to the average person, she knows the value of those two seemingly insignificant pennies and how much they mean. That showed me not to take things for granted.

She lives alone now and sometimes I worry that she is lonely. I call her every day and when we talk she asks me for just one thing. She asks me to do well in school so I can go to college; so I don't have to toil like she did. She has given me tremendous motivation from her countless stories of hardship from working innumerable hours. Her independence has become my inspirations. These lessons will continue to motivate me throughout life. Without her I don't know what I would do.

"Nothing good in this world ever comes without sacrifice." This is something my grandmother Jean, an immigrant from Trinidad, taught me at a young age. She received no more than a sixth grade education and raised seven children, six of whom she put through college all on her own. She came to the United States in 1969 from Trinidad, leaving behind six of her children. It wasn't until 1974 that she was able to bring them to America to live with her. I have learned a lot about sacrifice from her.

Even in America she had her struggles. In addition to raising seven kids and paying of a mortgage, she had to deal with an abusive husband who did not financially support her and used her money for unknown purposes . She eventually divorced him and took much pride in her newly found independence. Jean had to raise seven kids and pay off a mortgage on top of all this . Due to her sacrifice, I have an advantage to achieve without such arduous struggles(I suggest rephrasing; it sounds a bit odd) . Not many people would be able to do what she did. When I hear her tell those stories( add what the stories were about) I think about what I have and I have(in my opinion, I would change the second have to begin, making it read: "I begin to wonder...") to wonder, "Did I do anything to really deserve this?" In my aunts and uncles I see how they were able to benefit because of my grandmother's labors. (re-phrase "In my aunts and uncles"; it sounds somewhat odd)She'sShe is one of the many hard working immigrants that have helped make this great country what it is today: a land of opportunity.

My grandmother also taught me the value of money.( you just gave the topic of the paragraph away in the opening; tell the anecdote and then add the lesson learned; I would remove "My grandmother also taught... money" and start off with the storyA coupleYears ago, I was at home and my grandmother asked me to pick up somebuy stamps for her because they were going up by two cents. She wanted to send some letters, but I told her that two cents didn'tdid not make much of a difference and that I would pick some up the next day. Later, I realized that I had been selfish because while two cents means little to the average person, she knows the value of those two seemingly insignificant pennies and how much they mean( "and how much they mean" is similar to "the value"; it seems redundant in my eyes) . That showed me not to take things for granted.

She lives alone now and I sometimes worry that she is lonely. I call her every day and when we talk ,she asks me for just one thing:She asks me tTo do well in school so I can go to college so I don'tdo not have to toil like she did. She has given me tremendous motivation from her countless stories of hardship from working innumerable hours( I would leave "from working innumerable hours" because hardship encompasses all of the things she endured, which includes the hours she worked . Her independence has become my inspirations . These lessons will continue to motivate me throughout life. ( I am confused as to what lesson or lessons you are referring to here... it is not very clear) Without her I don't know what I would do.

Good essay, and I like the message. However, there were some things that need to be fixed. First and foremost, I wish I had the prompt. Secondly, I was taught that in formal writing, do not use contractions such as "he's", "don't", etc. unless you are using them in the possessive form. Also, I do not see a clear organization in the presentation of your grandmother. There needs to be a meaning as to how you choose to present the information through writing to your reader. It got very redundant at some points. You mentioned in the beginning that she had to raise seven kids on her own, and then you mentioned it again in the body. I would caution against this because you want to try and relay as much information as possible about your topic so writing things over is not a good idea, unless it is purely for emphasis. Overall, I would say that you need to make the essay swing back to you. It seemed like this could be an expository essay about your grandmother. The ending was confusing to me because I did not know what lessons you were referring to. Your focus on your grandmother and her life is great; however, tie it back to you and how you can utilize the skills you learned from her. I wish you the best of luck with this essay, and good job with the piece! You do not need to start from scratch or anything- just play around with structure, fix your possessives, etc. All of my suggestions are just that- suggestions. Take them or leave them at your disposal or discretion. Once again, best of luck!

Thanks so much! I've taken what you said and added some more to my writing

Glad I could help. If you need more revisions, post a new draft and I'll help you with it.

Overall, it seems like a great essay. Very heartfelt!