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Common Application Essay - We're All Just Human - Thoughts on equality in less than 650 words


newengland25 1 / -  
Sep 10, 2015   #1
From the time I could formulate audible and coherent sentences, I have always been a very tenacious individual. I remember losing my first tooth and refusing to put it under my pillow for the tooth fairy. I was completely convinced that a little person with wings who takes children's teeth should not be welcome in my home, especially not in my bedroom. My parents attempted to convince me that it was okay and that kids across the world left their teeth for the tooth fairy every day. Nonetheless, I put up an argument, firm in my beliefs that it was a terrible tradition.

Some people may consider this trait to be a fatal flaw, however, I view it more as a drive for determination rather than stubbornness. I stand by my beliefs and am intent on making the world we live in a better place. Of course, everyone has their various opinions on what defines a "better place," dependent on their religion, culture, age, etc. No matter, I believe that all people today should be advocators for equality. The lack of equal rights in societies across the world is a tremendous issue.

What I believe to be the most significant equality campaign in today's society is the feminist movement. Not because any other movement is less important, but because the lack of knowledge on feminism in today's society is outstanding. The problem is with society's views on what women's liberation really is. There is a huge group of people who do not understand that feminism is about equality for everyone and that it is not about making women greater than men. It is essential to educate everyone on what this movement actually stands for and why it is important to give women a voice that is just as strong and loud as a man's. Gloria Steinem, an American journalist and activist, explained, "A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men." As a result of the previous definition, I am firm in my beliefs that everyone should consider themselves a feminist.

As a senior in high school, people will often believe there is nothing I can do myself to change the negative stigma surrounding feminism. Although they may be partly correct in that I cannot do it by myself, they are wrong that I can not do anything at all. The first step is standing up for what I believe in. This may seem cliché, but if you cannot guard your own beliefs, how can you convince the world that you should be listened to? You can't. Nonetheless, tenaciousness is not usually enough to spark a movement, which is why I make a strong effort in getting involved as well.

The ________ is a conference that discusses the importance of building girls' confidence and giving them the tools they need to be successful leaders in their lives. I, along with a few other classmates, have been asked by the foundation to speak on behalf of our progress and accomplishments in our own community, along with the challenges we faced along the way being teenage girls. I believe that one reason women are not treated equally to men is that, from the time we are young, we are subliminally shown that males are greater. Speaking at the _______ is an amazing opportunity to show girls of all ages that they are just as capable as any man is.

Although I understand I cannot convince everyone that the negative stigma surrounding feminism is false, I certainly am going to do my best to stand up for my beliefs. Even though equality is not something we as a society have in whole, it is not a concept. It is achievable, so long as we fight for it. Afterall, none of us are more than anyone else in that we are human.

****The "____" are filled in my actual essay, just took out the name of the conference to be safe (: ***
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Sep 12, 2015   #2
I can help you with some of your essay.

The second paragraph, you join two sentences together with a comma. Change the comma after flaw to a semicolon.There is a missing word in the next sentence "I am". After you discuss a better place, you could say, "which depends on". Delete Nomatter and replace these words with "Nevertheless".

The next paragraph, I would like to address your last sentence. When you use a quote there are many ways to express your thoughts. You seem to be in agreement with this statement. You could simply state: I agree with those words. If you want to acknowledge the words, here is another suggestion: "When I read that statement, I became firm in my belief..."

When you begin the next paragraph you use "I" so you can delete myself in this sentence. You should revise your question. You could use "defend" rather than guard. I also think you should state:" ...world that they should listen to you?"

You could explain what females are capable of doing (i.e. achieving, success, anything, etc.).

The last paragraph, delete amgoingto and change to: will. Change these errors in the remaining sentences: "society as a whole, After all, we are not better than anyone else because we are all human."
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Sep 16, 2015   #3
@newengland25, I will work on the last 3 paragraphs as the other EF contributors worked on the first ones.

- As a senior in high school student ,
- ...people will often believe there is nothing I can do myself to change...
- Although they may be partly correct in that I cannot do it by myself ,
- ...they are wrong in saying that I can notcannot do anything at all.

- The ________ is a conference that discusses the importance of building girls'women's confidence...
- I believe that one reason women are not treated equally to men is that,
- ...to show girlswomen of all ages that they are just as capable as any man is .

- Although I understand I cannot convince everyone thatof the...
- After all"after all" is two words) , none of us areis more than anyone else, ...
- ...in that we are all human.

Overall, you have a well written essay, just be careful with your word choice, read a lot, it will help develop your vocabulary and make sure you review the language rules as well.


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