Commonapp - Gay Rights Issue

Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
"Gay people aren't normal and they should not get married!" screamed my visiting uncle as he turned around and stormed away from the dining table.

I was shocked at his opinion. What started off as a light-hearted conversation quickly turned into a fiery yelling match about homosexuals. Where was the Uncle I respected and admired? Where was the uncle whose opinions and advice I have treasured? This experience unpleasantly ripped off the binds around my eyes, and I could only sit there, totally unprepared for this confrontation with reality.

Living in San Francisco, I have always been surrounded by teachers, mentors, and classmates that were very accepting of issues such as sexual orientation. But the confrontation with my uncle woke me up. I realized that not everyone was going to be as open minded as the people in San Francisco. I became worried as I thought of the future set for my many gay best friends and those in the world, who might someday have to hide themselves, their lifestyles and being in fear of other people's reactions. I was anxious to help, but what could I do?

I turned to my beloved family and friends, asking for their advice. But instead of advice, I received disgusted statements regarding the gay community. I decided then that I could start by opening the mind of my family. I conversed with them, explaining the similarities of the lifestyles, but it seemed in vain. My efforts felt useless and I felt insignificant in the fight for the equality of homosexuals. But then I remembered the many "coming out" stories I have heard. These people disregarded society's expectations and proudly announced their opinions and lifestyles. They had come out, not knowing the reactions of their community, and against numerous obstacles, they persevered. I felt silly. These people have overcome so much more than I, and here I was, ready to give up at a small hurdle.

So I continued on, opening my family's opinions about homosexuals. I recounted my happiest memories with my gay best friends and mentors, and showed them that they were not quite as different in interests and opinions. For some of my family members, it never occurred to them that gay people would like the same sports team as them, or have the same hobbies and pastimes. Just by talking positively about gay people like it was an everyday topic helped my family accept the issue. Once the issue was not regarded as taboo, my family had a lot of questions to ask and I slowly went through each question with them. And gradually, they came to acknowledge homosexuals. And like a ripple effect, those I influence began to influence their friends and so on.

My efforts are a small step to equality for gay people, but it is a step nevertheless. I fight for equality, not because I am homosexual, but because I respect and admire them. These people, though unsure about their community's reactions, were true to themselves. They inspire me to always stay true to myself, to speak my mind and to never hide who I am. Their strength, courage, and determination have inspired me to become stronger and I wish to share their inspiration with those around me.

I like your topic and, mostly, the way you present. You're not overly impassioned to the point to turning people off to you, but you present valid points that help people understand and take to heart what you're trying to say. The only point that was kind of confusing was when you went to talk to your family for advice and guidance and then in the next sentences turned around and was giving advice and guidance to them. The way you write it makes it seem like you didn't have opinions established and sought to find them in the opinions of your family when in reality (from what I read later) you did have an opinion and was more trying to discuss with your family than get advice/guidance from them. Does that make sense? Basically, you could just change it to you tried to talk to your family about how you felt about the topic or tried to talk to with them about how unruly your uncle acted and how unjust his opinion was but found that they actually shared his ideology? maybe? if that's what you're really trying to say, of course.

I hope that helps!

thank you very much for your advice,
i was slightly worried that i would offend people with my topic, so i'm glad that the way i present it works
i will change that confusing part :D

Where was the uncle I respected and admired?

Use a hyphen:
I realized that not everyone was going to be as open-min ded as the people in...

So I continued on,openingchallenging my family's opinions about homosexuals.

I fight for equality, not because I am homosexual, but because I respect and admire them. These people, though unsure about the reactions they would receive, were true to themselves.

This is a very strong essay. I find it hard to believe, though, that your whole family was prejudiced. Perhaps you only were arguing with 3 people; if so, refer to them specifically instead of saying "my family." I don't mean you have to name them or identify them in any way; just tell the reader more specifically how many opponents you were up against, etc., so that they can experience the story a little more.

This is very good! I think it shows your determination and initiative
I wrote a similar one for my supplement but it was more about the interviews we had with them and past accounts of gay bashing.

I was too scared to use the word "gay" so I just said it once lol