"a community orientated outlook" - Yale short answer

I need to know if I answered the prompt and if there is any grammatical mistakes. Also, is it good or bad.
What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply? Please limit your response to the space provided.
Many Yalies have a community orientated outlook because of the Residential College system. This would not only allow me to create bonds that would last a life time but also to have the exchange of ideas and to share work with my fellow classmates. If I were a Yalie, I would strengthen my dreams through the endless educational opportunities, and through the rugged individualism of others in the Yale community, so that I may continue my pursuit of eternal experiences to become a better person.

It's well written, answers the prompt, and i noticed few grammatical errors, but the topic is so overdone

You mean a lot of people have already used this topic.

yea i have this same topic, the frequency people write about it worries me..but it really is why i want to go there

time but also ....you need a comma after time
switch if i were a yalie to "As a Yalie..." its more confident
overall it doesn't really leave an impression.
kinda boring & typical
make it stronger

Thanks for the tips you left on my essay.

I would change the last sentence. It was a bit confusing the first time I read it. Other than that you may want to change it a little to avoid being similar formulaic. The "become a better person" thing is kind of stale.

Similairly to what Laubach said, I would express How it will make you a better person overall.