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Community of scholars whose goal is to enrich the educational experience



Sabahm5456 2 / 4  
Jan 3, 2012   #1
Here's what I have, some help about how I could improve it would be appreciated!!

Prompt-Honors College Statement:
In its mission statement, the UIC Honors College is described as a community of scholars whose goal is to enrich the educational experience of undergraduates and allow faculty and students of all disciplines to interact in teaching, learning, and research. How can you contribute to the Honors College community? What benefits do you expect in return?


I once use to be an introvert, however my exposure to many different worlds and cultures outside has helped me to break out of my shell. As a student who has changed many schools and moved a lot, my route to attending college has been considerably different from the average American student. There have been many different stages in my life which have affected my academic journey throughout America. As a result, there have been many opportunities which have helped me gain and garner new talents.

My aspiration of academic success has been greatly motivated by my immigration from Canada to the U.S. Without my travels within the U.S; I would never have been introduced to the different teaching styles present in Toronto, New York, Roanoke, and Chicago. Each time my family moved to a different place, I would have to focus and spend more time studying in order for me to understand what was being taught. My eager to learn attitude and my passion toward improving my knowledge has been greatly affected by my travels which in turn has influenced my pursuit toward academic achievement and excellence. I hope to contribute my talents, passion, and motivation to the Honors College at UIC.

Working as an IT assistant at my high school has been both a remarkable learning and timeworthy experience. Working for IT has not only helped me improve my communication skills by dealing with customer service for computer parts over the phone but also has taught me a lot about computers. I have learned how to do general maintenance on computers and become more patient by dealing with technology. I hope to use the skills I have attained at work and help better the honors college community.

One of the reasons which I am drawn to the Honors College at UIC is its commitment to the wider community. Through programs such as internships, coops, volunteering, tutoring, one can be part of an enriched educational experience. These programs and others such as study abroad are some of the reasons why I believe that the honors college will benefit me. I hope to attain by joining the honors college.

THANKS!!!

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 4, 2012   #2
"once used to be" -- this is redundant... I think it should be like this:
I once use to be an introvert, however but my exposure to...

Also:
My aspiration to academic success...

...time studying in order for me to understand what was being taught.

My eager-to-learn attitude and my ...----hyphens

passion toward improving my knowledge has have been...

One of the reasons which I am drawn to----To improve your writing, streamline it. Omit unnecessary words. I think you have a great writing style!
OP Sabahm5456 2 / 4  
Jan 5, 2012   #3
Thank you for the help!!


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