I have always been a competitive person; Stanford intellectual vitality essay!

This is a very rough draft. I just wanted other opinions on it. Be as critical as you want. Thanks!

Prompt: Stanford students possess intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

I have always been a competitive person, especially with myself. I want to do the best I possibly can. Because of this, in the beginning of high school, AP class intimidated me and I didn't think I would be able to excel in them, so I didn't take any during my first two years. I regret this now because I should have pushed myself.

Junior year, however, I signed up for AP calculus and AP physics. The first day of physics, the class was completely silent and uncomfortable and I realized that that was not a good learning environment for me. I quickly switched to AP biology and everyone was friendly and there were group discussions. I liked this class a lot more because it seemed like the students wanted to be there and contribute to the class and I enjoyed hearing what others had to say.

This class helped me learn many study skills because a lot of the sections we just had to learn on our own and we would do labs in class. It also gave me confidence because I started doing really well in the class and set the curve for almost every test, which I had never done before. Even though I was setting the curves, I still wanted my classmates to succeed and a couple of us had study sessions to review for tests.

Another way this class influenced me was by helping me choose what I want to major in. I found a real love for biology and realized that I want to focus on science.

Hello,

Several major flaws here. The first being your opening sentence. "I have always been a competitive person, especially with myself. I want to do the best I possibly can. Because of this, in the beginning of high school, AP class intimidated me and I didn't think I would be able to excel in them, so I didn't take any during my first two years." Your opening sentence is just a lame excuse as to why you did not challenge yourself as best as you could have. Do you think that this is what Stanford wants to read? Your essay reads as though you are academically timid and that you actively sought out "fun" and "easy" classes to do well in. This will not bode well for you especially when asked to write an essay about your intellectual prowess. This brings me to the major issue with this essay as you have it now. This is not really what Stanford is looking for. They want to see how an Ah-hah moment really had an impact on you. If your Ah-hah moment was breaking/setting the curve, that really doesn't count....AAO

Hope this helps

Thanks. I was thinking that it was just an average experience but I can't think of any ah-hah moment that I have had. I'll think of something else

​Batman helped me pick a career path. Specifically, the movie The Dark Knight. In it, Harvey Dent, the District Attorney, is questioning a shooter that is working for the Joker and Batman says that he is a paranoid schizophrenic. This man was so strange and scary, but to me, he was intriguing. I had to look up schizophrenia and see what it was. I learned about the hallucinations and delusions and how some victims find it hard to distinguish reality. I wondered how this could happen to someone. It isn't like a virus that you catch and you can treat and kill. It is something that your brain is doing to itself. But why?

​I began to look into many other disorders, such as bipolar disorder and multiple personalities disorder and this led to many hours of me glued to the screen watching documentaries on YouTube. It just fascinated me that these people with nothing physically wrong with them could just destroy themselves from the inside out and go insane.

This isn't enough words but is it a better topic? Should I continue?

Every word in the prompt counts.

You need to write about a single idea or experience that contributed to your intellectual development AND that reflects your intellectual vitality. (Look up the word "vitality" right away.)

Contrary to what anyone here tells you, it is perfectly acceptable to write about your AP bio class. However, you will need to rewrite it according to the guidelines I've detailed above.

To summarize, you must describe how this class changed you and, more specifically, how it changed your attitude toward learning.

Don't write about Batman.


This is a sentence fragment.

Hello,

First just to set something straight. I am not here to compete with jkjeremy nor should he critique any of my posts. I already have my Ivy League degrees and worked for several years as an assistant admissions director at one. I know what I am talking about. The students on this board are seeking advice. I give it - honestly and bluntly. Period! As for Snowwhite76, your batman story is much stronger than your previous story. It will be something refreshing and different and will lead you to write a compelling story. Reader's get tired of purely academic applications. As I have stated several times before, there is a reason why so many students with a 4.0 gpa and perfect SAT/ACT scores get rejected from top schools. They are just boring! The key to these competitive programs is to be unique/refreshing. I suggest that you flush this essay out fully and post it here for further review/comments. As for jkjeremy, I have been on this board for years. Go read some of my past reviews to learn how to critique correctly.

Hope this helps.