Please assist me in making this essay as great as it can be. I will look and critique yours! Thanks in advance!
[Describe two or three of your current intellectual interests and why they are exciting to you. Why will Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences be the right environment in which to pursue your interests? (Please limit your response to 650 words.)]
Computer Science is an art. It is as if you are the artist and the computer the canvas, although equipped with such simple tools, the products of Computer science are endless. With just the right level of ingenuity, one is able to bend the behaviors of technology in their favor to achieve great feats in programming and beyond.
One aspect of Computer Science I have come to savor is its multifaceted nature. Without a rigid path of study, I have been able to enjoy various fields of study on virtually everything from aeronautics to video game development. The School of Arts and Sciences subscribes to this philosophy of diversification. Strewed with research groups centered around everything from Bitcoin mining to medical imaging, the School of Arts and Sciences would offer me a unique type of interdisciplinary study that would enable me to explore multiple interests, taking all of my ideas to the drawing board.
Cornell's dedication to discovery cannot go without being mentioned. I have long been fascinated with the implications of virtual reality technology and its potential implications in the medical fields. I have researched only to find that Cornell has already made groundbreaking discoveries of its relations to health-related conditions such as diabetes and obesity. This type of real-world application of even the most unexplored fields is an aspect that I seek to incorporate into my education, and Cornell provides just that.
Beyond the technological accolades of the School of Arts and Sciences, I have come to appreciate its air of inventiveness. Every computer scientist knows that their most valuable assets are their ability to think creatively and their ability to intertwine that creativity with those of others. In my personal experience, I have found that I reach my creative peak when collaborating with others possessing completely different thought processes. This especially rings true for me in the realm of programming. The nature of School of Arts and Sciences would truly serve to cater to my virtuosity as a computer science major at Cornell.
Another one of my intellectual pursuits is French Studies. The French possess a culture like no other. From the richness of its political history, spanning back as far as King William's War and beyond, to the elegance of its romantic language, the French culture has made its mark on the world of the past and continues to do so on that of the present. Its influence, spanning everywhere from Montreal to Haiti, managed to make it to my French Class during my freshman year of High school, and, ever since then, I have been hooked.
Throughout my high school career, I have always sought out ways in which immerse myself in the French culture. My involvement in both French club and French class over the years has provided me with a fundamental understanding of the culture and language, however, I seek to study them at a more intimate level. A French minor in the Department of Romantic Studies would not only further introduce me to the dynamics of the French culture, but also allow me to engage in an integrative study composed of my both my passions in Computer Science and French studies.
Attaining a firm grasp of the language, I have, on many occasions, entertained the idea of spending a couple weeks or months in a French province. Unfortunately, due to the reality of my parents' rough economic situation, travelling abroad has never been an option. For this reason, Cornell's Study Abroad program has been of great interest to me. Living among the Parisian people, I would absorb the essence of the French culture through a subjective means irreplaceable in a classroom setting. To complement my personal experience abroad, a rigorous course line-up through the EDUCO program would serve to maintain my linguistic skills and add an academic context to my experience abroad.
Computer science is an art. It is as if you are the artist and the computer the canvas, although equipped with such simple tools, the products of Computer science are endless . With the user (?) as the artist and the computer ...
With just the right level of ingenuity, one is able to bends the behaviors of technology in their favor to achieve great feats in programming and beyond. - This sounds like an extension of the 1st paragraph
One aspect of computer science I have come to savor (this sounds weird, why can't you just enjoy or love?) is its multifaceted nature. Without a rigid path of study (without intense schooling? what do yo mean), I have been able to enjoy various fields of study on virtually everything (subjects?) from aeronautics to video game development.
Strewed (sounds off) with research groups centered around everything from Bitcoin mining to medical imaging, the School of Arts and Sciences would offer ... - expand on why exploring multiple interests is important for you
Every computer scientist knows that their most valuable assets are their ability to think creatively and their ability to intertwine that creativity with those of others (collaborate?). In my personal experience, I have found that I reach my creative peak (?) when collaborating with others possessing completely different thought processes.
This essay has a lot of weird wording, it sounds very rigid? I'm not sure how to describe but you give a lot of detail for descriptions yet it lacks some substance.
Zabaan, at first glance, what I notice on your essay is how small the paragraphs are,
it actually looks a little bit crowded and this will not help to strengthen your essay.
In this case, I suggest that you revise your essay and keep the paragraphs bold.
More so, in cases where you have word count restrictions, make sure that you
prioritize the ideas that matter in order to answer what is asked of the prompt,
this will also make sure that you have enough space for the ideas that really matter
to your essay.
On a lighter note, I notice that you have a good hand in writing and you definitely
know how to write and what to write in your essay, all you have to take note and pay attention to are
minor details and this minor details matter greatly to your essay.
Do let us know should you need further assistance.
