Hi everyone, can you please give some comments on this essay? I'm pretty sure this turned out a bit monotonic, but since it has to be reflective I don't know what to do! I welcome any harsh criticism. Thank you for your time.
Common app essay prompt - Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again? (650 words)
"Dear Most Reverend Archbishop of Uganda," I wrote. "I am appalled by your stance on protecting the wellbeing of your people."
AIDS is a commonly known major cause of death in Sub-Saharan Africa. I believe that it's also known that the major benefits of using condoms as part of protected sex are that it prevents unwanted fertilization, and also the transmission of HIV.
The popularity of condoms has sparked disapproval from the Catholic Church. They, for one, believe that fertilization is a gift from God, and that preventing it from happening is a sin. This belief is echoed in the evolutionary point of view, which, as a Buddhist, I also stand for in the common ground. However, it doesn't account for the prevention of the spreading of viruses - the evolutionary evils. The Archbishop of Uganda, with his powerful influence on the government is trying to get condoms banned in the country.
His argument, although wrong on many levels, is simple: that condoms increase the number of cases of HIV infection per year, as the HIV are so small they pass through the condom. I was enraged by this spreading of lies. In fact, I have had the privilege of seeing what it's like to live with side effects of HIV. As a full-time hospital intern in rural Thailand, I saw terminal AIDs patients suffer to their end. Middle-aged men, thin to the bones, red rashes all over their bodies, all looking exhausted from the very act of gasping for air. All of that could have been prevented with contraceptives. As a reactive person eager to make a change, that experience prompted me to communicate with the Archbishop.
In my letter, I cited an FDA study which concluded that HIV can pass through condoms only under 10 times the force of thrusting a human could perform. I challenged him not on his theological ground, but on the doctrine that originated by it. I proposed to him whether to adhere to a believe of the evils of contraception in order to follow God while overlooking the statistics of the effect of this disease, or to have a more practical approach on contraception, understanding that He would allow it for the wellbeing of his Creation, therefore ensuring that it is justified. I followed the Catholic's own Double Effects principle there.
In retrospect, I may have let my rage dictate the spur-of-the-moment writing of that letter, as I did not consider the consequences of protesting against one of the most powerful people in Africa - It might not have reached the Archbishop at worst. I should have listened to my parents and use that time to study for chemistry exams instead, perhaps. However, I still stand by my point to encourage some Catholics to have a more modern outlook of the application of their beliefs in saving people's lives. After all, that is one of the main purposes of religion.
Although there has been no response to my letter to date, I can't help but ponder what his responses would be, should he have read my letter. Would he comply? Would he chuck it away with the rest of the pile? I'll never know. At any rate, it's heartening to find out that my actions were not in vain after all: people around me - friends and teachers - became aware of the situation, and I urged them to become involved in anti-AIDS work. I also learned from this experience that I, as an individual, will only be part of a larger-than-life movement - a cell in the working body of an ideology - a working cell, nonetheless. It made me understand the feeling of those who stand by perceived righteous ideas. It also made me realise the vital importance of teamwork - one voice is never enough. In the end, I am more than happy to have expressed my views, and would take up the role in the advocacy again without hesitation.
Common app essay prompt - Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again? (650 words)
"Dear Most Reverend Archbishop of Uganda," I wrote. "I am appalled by your stance on protecting the wellbeing of your people."
AIDS is a commonly known major cause of death in Sub-Saharan Africa. I believe that it's also known that the major benefits of using condoms as part of protected sex are that it prevents unwanted fertilization, and also the transmission of HIV.
The popularity of condoms has sparked disapproval from the Catholic Church. They, for one, believe that fertilization is a gift from God, and that preventing it from happening is a sin. This belief is echoed in the evolutionary point of view, which, as a Buddhist, I also stand for in the common ground. However, it doesn't account for the prevention of the spreading of viruses - the evolutionary evils. The Archbishop of Uganda, with his powerful influence on the government is trying to get condoms banned in the country.
His argument, although wrong on many levels, is simple: that condoms increase the number of cases of HIV infection per year, as the HIV are so small they pass through the condom. I was enraged by this spreading of lies. In fact, I have had the privilege of seeing what it's like to live with side effects of HIV. As a full-time hospital intern in rural Thailand, I saw terminal AIDs patients suffer to their end. Middle-aged men, thin to the bones, red rashes all over their bodies, all looking exhausted from the very act of gasping for air. All of that could have been prevented with contraceptives. As a reactive person eager to make a change, that experience prompted me to communicate with the Archbishop.
In my letter, I cited an FDA study which concluded that HIV can pass through condoms only under 10 times the force of thrusting a human could perform. I challenged him not on his theological ground, but on the doctrine that originated by it. I proposed to him whether to adhere to a believe of the evils of contraception in order to follow God while overlooking the statistics of the effect of this disease, or to have a more practical approach on contraception, understanding that He would allow it for the wellbeing of his Creation, therefore ensuring that it is justified. I followed the Catholic's own Double Effects principle there.
In retrospect, I may have let my rage dictate the spur-of-the-moment writing of that letter, as I did not consider the consequences of protesting against one of the most powerful people in Africa - It might not have reached the Archbishop at worst. I should have listened to my parents and use that time to study for chemistry exams instead, perhaps. However, I still stand by my point to encourage some Catholics to have a more modern outlook of the application of their beliefs in saving people's lives. After all, that is one of the main purposes of religion.
Although there has been no response to my letter to date, I can't help but ponder what his responses would be, should he have read my letter. Would he comply? Would he chuck it away with the rest of the pile? I'll never know. At any rate, it's heartening to find out that my actions were not in vain after all: people around me - friends and teachers - became aware of the situation, and I urged them to become involved in anti-AIDS work. I also learned from this experience that I, as an individual, will only be part of a larger-than-life movement - a cell in the working body of an ideology - a working cell, nonetheless. It made me understand the feeling of those who stand by perceived righteous ideas. It also made me realise the vital importance of teamwork - one voice is never enough. In the end, I am more than happy to have expressed my views, and would take up the role in the advocacy again without hesitation.
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