'The consequence of teamwork' - UT Austin Essay (optional)

There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

At the start of my junior year, I became intimately involved with a school-sponsored program called the Fed Challenge. This inter-class competition provides an opportunity to essentially learn what it is like to be in the shoes of the Federal Open Market Committee, a subset of the Federal Reserve responsible for setting the country's monetary policies. On a periodic basis, my classmates and I would be divided into groups and tasked with the responsibility of presenting analyses on the state of the economy followed by specific monetary policy recommendations of how to improve market conditions.

I was grouped with three of my peers, none of whom I knew beyond their first names. We were all from different backgrounds, 'cliques' and towns; it was this diversity that lead us to success in our endeavor. After researching for hours and studying market trends for the past sixteen months, we were able to design a report and suggest a course of action for the Federal Market Committee. During the five weeks I collaborated with my group for this project, we all became more knowledgeable about monetary policy and the reasons for certain decisions the Fed has made.

To this end, we were expected to be well-rehearsed about current events, and if we were not, we would suffer the consequences. Nevertheless, I can recall one instance where I had to shoulder most of my group's burden. On this particular day, we encountered a situation that none of us could really solve. Yet, when time was called, we had to give some type of deliberation. As my teammates looked at me, I assumed the role of Ben Bernanke, and suddenly anxiety was replaced by confidence. Although our prescribed course of action may have not been the ideal recommendation, it was superior to all the others, thereby giving us the top spot in that day's competition. As I looked back at my fellow group members, I realized that our victory was a consequence of teamwork. For what we lacked in natural ability, we made up for in camaraderie and cooperation. Diversity was crucial in the Fed Challenge; the wide range of different views and opinions enabled us to create a completely unique and accurate course of action for the Fed Challenge.

Is there any way to say that this fueled my interest in finance?
Thanks :)

Well, yes, you could simply say "this fueled my interest in finance." More to the point, you might want to talk more about how specifically the diversity of the group proved useful in meeting the challenges posed by the assignment. You say this a couple of times, but nothing in your essay shows it, particularly. You could also maybe introduce some details of what recommendations you came up with, which would be more specific hence more interesting than your current, vague discussion of them.

...country's monetary policies. On a periodic basis, my classmates and I would be divided into groups and tasked with the responsibility of presenting analyses on the state of the economy followed by specific monetary policy recommendations of how to improve market conditions.Now, right after this sentence, it would be good to make a reflective sentence that conveys the central meaning of the essay -- the way this experience influenced you. Then, start your second paragraph.

And this last comma is unnecessary here:

To this end, we were expected to be well-rehearsed about current events, and if we were not we would suffer the consequences.