Hey!
Could anyone please critique my essay! I know it still needs some work, but the deadline is coming soon, so thank you so much in advance! :)
---------------------------------------------------------------------- -
Hong Kong is a rapidly progressing city where fourteen million elbows push and shove to reach their destinations daily. Observing the bodies these elbows belong to, one can see the immaculate suits or pristine dresses they wear, and the high-tech gadgets their hands grip onto.
Trends and fads are crucial in not only Hong Kong, but in most developed countries, as dressing in the latest fashion styles and owning the sleekest cars are status symbols. When a new cell phone arrives in the market, there is a clamor of tangled hands reaching for the phone while the other hand thrusts a pile of money at the sales assistant.
Who defines what consumers should purchase?
At any given moment in time, there is never just one new gadget available in the electronic market; there is never just one new suit available in the fashion industry. But, consumers seem confident, knowing exactly what good or product they plan on purchasing. How do they know? I primarily believed it was advertisements which enticed consumers. But similarly, do consumers purchase a product because the advertisement is effective? Or are there other factors which affect our decisions and choices.
Consumers constantly seem willing to buy goods which are overpriced, eagerly grabbing their wallets and pulling out various credit cards. However, when a good is on sale and cheap, consumers instead question the quality and become suspicious.
Why is there so much demand for Veblen goods?
The Veblen good is an anomaly in the theory of demand in microeconomics. For these goods, as the price increases, the demand also increases, thus proving to be an exception. People tend to purchase Veblen goods as status symbols, showing their wealth and power.
Why is status so important?
Status is a material possession, a symbol of rank or class in society. However, it is something that people strive for painstakingly. Why? In Hong Kong, there is a saying that people like to save face, and maintain a respectable reputation. I have pondered as to whether this is the reason behind the Veblen goods anomaly, but instead, ended with a different conclusion. I believe that people are selfish and hedonistic. Seeing other's miseries, jealousies and pains only brings us joy, especially when we possess what they cannot possibly obtain.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---
I think the conclusion is pretty weak, any suggestions? Also, I'm applying for Economics so I thought talking about econ-related issues would be better.
THANKS A MILLION!
When you ask questions in your paper, be sure to answer them. So maybe you shouldn't state something that you can not fully answer; ex. "But, why is it something that is strived for so much? Although I have never yet been able to answer these questions fully ."
I am just a bit confused where you are going with this essay because it is supposed to be about an Idea/Experience That You Find Intellectually Engaging. In your conclusion you should probably state why it is "Intellectually Engaging."
Its not bad though, with some editing you will have a fine paper!!!
:)
That's pretty interesting. I personally don't think the conclusion is necessarily weak. Also, I do not agree with Janelle. I think sometimes there are things that intellectually engage us that we cannot fully answer. Maybe that's the reason why they are even more engaging because they require further thoughts.
Your English is really good :)
Do people in Hong Kong speak Enligh?? :P
Thank you so muuch Janelle and Eric :)
Janelle: I'll try editing it ASAP, so pleaaaase critique it again when i finish! :)
Eric: Haha yeah, people in HK do speak English!! Plus, I go to an "international school", so English was my first language. Please critique my essay when I finish!!
TTYYYY :)
No prob!!!
Alrighty then :)
It doesn't have to be directed at HK, people from all over the world can qualify for this essay (at least, people from developed countries). That way it makes your essay sounds more cosmopolitan.
Please evaluate my essays!
Hey guys, i've revised it a little, tell me what you thiink!
Any thoughts? :) :) :)
Rating out of 10? :)
THANKS A BUNCH!
