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Contributing to the community! I am American-Chinese. I lived experiencing different cultural values

bestgio 1 / -  
Nov 29, 2015   #1
Hi everyone, I wanted to know what are your thoughts of my short response?

Prompt: The University seeks to create a community of students richly diverse in cultural backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. How would you contribute to this community? (Max 300 words)

I could contribute to the diverse community the university seeks because I am American-Chinese. I lived experiencing two different cultural values from the moment I was born. As I am American-Chinese, a reoccurring theme I perceived was that the Chinese culture values unity, seeing themselves as part of a family or society. Whenever I wanted to go hang out with my friends, my parents would usually force me to bring one of my siblings along with me. Meanwhile, American culture typically values individuality over the Chinese desires of unity. During my high school years, most of my teachers assigns us projects that we could either work in groups, or individually. Due to the fact that was born and raised with both individuality and unity techniques, most of my classmates decided to complete their projects individually, leaving my desire of working together unfulfilled. The two differing values I experienced during my life creates an opposing force over one another.

However, because I have experiences under both cultures, this places me as the "middle man." As the "middle man," I can understand both views/values that each culture embraces. Whenever problems may occur during college that deals with this cultural clash, my experiences can help ease the problem. Easing the problem will allow more of my classmates to collaborate more efficiently by raising awareness of student's diverse cultural backgrounds and sharing respect towards one another. Working efficiently creates opportunities for unique viewpoints and experiences during a student's educational life that otherwise wouldn't be possible.

fahmisadja 33 / 33 34  
Nov 29, 2015   #2
Hi Giovanni,

Let me give you some comments,

I am pleased to read your essay. You have a great experiences because you have a half between Chinese and American culture. Sorry to say, I cannot find your action to face your diversity of culture. in other words, How did you experience your difference of the background? In this situation, your readers want to know what you do to handle or tackle the diversity. For instance, adjust your habit to China culture when you are in Chinese family or the one reverses, or perhaps, you imitate your accent or joke ? or what else? Show to your readers your effort to face the case. Finally, after you tell your actions or efforts, tell also the results of your actions. Is it effective?

On the other hand, you should explain clearly your culture background of your family. What is American-Chinese that you mean, is it your father are native from China and your mother is from America? Or your grandfather and grandmother who have different culture? Or because of your experience to live in the two countries? So, the readers can imagine clearly how you struggle hardly.

Then, Remember the task responses; you need to show your real character and unique ability strongly, so the University can consider you to be accepted. Provide 2 or 3 of you at least for ensuring that you are really worthy to be considered. Another one is to answer your contribution for your community in the future when you are accepted (you forget to explain this view).

Oh yeah, there is little grammatical error,

most of my teachers assigns us projects that...

I think that's all. good luck then :)

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