I wish I'd found this site sooner, while I still had my other essays doing, because I'm not good at this essay thing. However, hope is not lost! I welcome any help you can give me! Don't hold back on the critiques!
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
For as long as I can remember I have been reading books; encyclopedias, novels, comics, as long as it were a book I would pick it up and read it. Every Christmas and every birthday I would ask for a book, and I oft found myself in the book section of every pharmacy I went to. It was almost like an obsession, not only did the promise of an exciting story or novel information send my heart racing, but the scent of freshly printed paper and ink, mixed with the cool crispness of the a/c sent me spiraling into heady ecstasy. Books were my drug and I was hooked. I knew of no one else who read as much as I did, I thirsted for knowledge and adventure as it were and books satisfied this thirst. This passion for reading helped me to become very adept at subjects such as English literature, English Language and it led me to choose History as one of my subjects to do in the 10th grade. It was around this time that I developed an interest in another subject, Mathematics.
I had never given much thought to math; it was my eternal rival as far as I was concerned. I was never terrible at it but I found it tedious. Why was I learning about things like Pythagoras' theorem?! Here I was wasting valuable reading time on a subject that I saw no use for after the necessities-addition, subtraction, division and multiplication. However, I was encouraged to do extra classes in the subject and it was there that my interest in math grew. I was skeptical for the first class because what he was teaching I already knew, but the teacher presented the subject to us in such a way that math felt like a fantasy adventure, the numbers were the characters and the signs had magical powers. It was like I was seeing everything for the first time and while he was coarse in his interaction with us he was animated and approachable when teaching math. He constantly told us that we had to 'appreciate the maths 'it was like math was a person to him. It was fascinating because whenever I came early to class I'd find him pouring himself over a math book; jealousy began to creep up on me, I wanted to have such a relationship with math as well. I began to pay more attention in my regular math classes and worked hard at the various practice questions I got from both the regular and extra classes.At the end of that academic year I came to like the challenge that math presented and I enjoyed the pleasure I felt at figuring out the answer to a difficult question and coming up with new ways to solve problems. I did not become a genius at math but I developed a passion for it and I had learned to 'appreciate the maths '.
At Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences I can enjoy my passion for math while quenching my thirst for knowledge. Cornell's top-notch liberal arts program will allow me to take classes in many different areas that interest me and will help me decide my major. The fact that I will not be limited to the classes offered in one college really appeals to me as I am always on a continuous quest for knowledge. Cornell's study abroad program will also provide me with valuable first-hand experience and knowledge of different cultures, economies, and environments that I can use to enrich my studies and research projects. I believe that Cornell's environment, the diversity of the student body and the beautiful campus, will provide me with the opportunity to learn not only from my professors but my peers as well and also with opportunities for self-reflection.
The essay does seem a bit generic, and I think that you can be more specific. But please help me with my essay. Thanks!
Oh man, I was afraid of that. So am I back to the drawing board? Or can you offer suggestions on how to spice it up?
Do you mean more specific with how I'll use Cornell ? I had trouble writing that last paragraph *sigh* streeeeeessss lol :) would love to get a response soon btw
I think you should chose a direction. Do you wanna talk about how much you love reading books or how you developed a passion for math? It was much clearer in the first draft you posted, I would go with that one - because in the second draft I don't see the real connection from the introduction to body to conclusion.. I also think you should make it more clear what you want to study and especially WHY. It's okay to say you wan't to study different areas, but let them know which, and why Cornell is so great for you in those specific areas.. In general I feel that you are talking to much about the subjects in school that appeals to you instead of turning it around and saying these are the subjects I am interested in studying at Cornell.
Hope it made sense?
yay! thank you! I will take what you said into consideration and change what I can. Again, thank you! X3
I deff see that you've made major improvement in all your drafts. Overall I like the idea, but the word choice and vocabulary make it drag a tad bit.
If I were you I would stick to a tone that's interesting and SHOW rather than tell. Also you mentioned how great the Cornell programs are, but didn't mention the particular ones you were drawn to.
Great job though!
Thanks for help on my essay!
All the best!
yosh! I fixed some more things and finally submitted it XD thank you guys for all the advice and input, it was really appreciated! Now I'm just gonna hope and pray that it's good enough lol.
