School of Industrial and Labor Relations:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. In your essay please address how the ILR curriculum will help you fulfill these interests and your long-term goals.
I am not the strongest Cornell applicant so I need my essay to be outstanding.
May someone please revise my essay
Growing up in a low-income community, I have seen how working class families have struggled to maintain a living as a result of their lack of education. I have seen how the types of jobs families have affect the types of lives they have. Though I saw it played out in my community, I never realized that these struggles go beyond my own. During the 2008 presidential election, I kept up with every bit of election news and constantly heard about layoffs, jobs shipped over seas, and the current economic crisis. While watching a political rally, I clearly remember the speech during the rally on how economic crisis is hurting the average Joe. When Obama spoke about the average Joe's struggles, I was reminded of the struggles in my community where it is difficult to maintain a living. At that particular moment, I saw a clear connection; the work force is directly related to the growth of economy. My involvement in economic summits has showed me how the work force can determine every aspect of a country, from literacy rate to life expectancy. In order to improve a country, it is indeed crucial to improve the work force. And with the current economic crisis, I realize that there is still so much to do. But now I feel that I must begin a new journey in life, one that will have me improve the world that surrounds me.
My goal is to attend Cornell University's College of Industrial and Labor Relations, an academic community that will facilitate the exchange of knowledge in a close-knit environment through interaction with professors and peers. The curriculum will help me broaden my perspective in decision making and improve my intellectual thinking which will allow me to analyze complicated labor problems. I am also presented with the opportunity to be involved in internship programs that will enhance my understanding of the field I will be working in, which in my case would be public policy. I aspire to attend a universitythat will allow me to study deeper roots of labor relations; Cornell's labor relations curriculum expands its courses into deeper courses from U.S. Labor History to a Course in Western Intellectual Tradition. I will have a strong understanding of business, politics, and history which will open many opportunities. I plan to attend law school and pursue a career as a politician, but in order to do that, it is important to understand the roots of society; the work force.
You have a really good start on this essay. It's structured well, and the last paragraph is very good. I have some suggestions for the first paragraph:
Growing up in a low-income community, I have seen how working class families have struggled to maintain a living as a result of their lack of education.
-this sentence could be clarified... the families lack of education? its not clear.
I have seen how the types of jobs families have affect the types of lives they have.
-you should say something instead of families because it sounds like the whole family has one job..
At that particular moment, I saw a clear connection; the work force is directly related to the growth of economy.
-this sounds slightly naive/obvious- did you not know that before?
is still so much to do.
- this is vague.
But now I feel that I must begin a new journey in life, one that will have me improve the world that surrounds me.
-have me improve sounds awkard
besides for grammatical things here and there, it's a good essay. keep it up :)
can you please help on my stanford essay? thanks
I don't think your essay is as personal as it could be. Maybe you could add a short, meaningful experience about your low-income community because the parts you have right now, like "I was reminded of the struggles in my community where it is difficult to maintain a living," are good starts, but they are still a little too vague to really capture the readers attention. If you could focus on one particular experience in your community that you could directly relate to Obama's speech, you could have a very personal and moving essay.
