Cornell Supplement- My love of politics

Please critique... i kinda suck at grammar, so dont be afriad to tear it up!

College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

It wasn't until my sophomore year, when I first met Mr.Bellis, that I first discovered my love for history and politics. Before that, I would often get caught off guard with that question that I so much despised, "Pablo, what do you plan on doing when you grow up". Having no idea what I wanted to be, I quickly said doctor, as I only knew that my future career had to do something with helping people.

Even though my mom tries to provide me and my brother with the best of things, we still live in the very poor and dangerous community of Pomona. Living in Pomona, I know firsthand what poverty, hunger and drugs can do to someone and I am often confronted with those issues every day. Thus, I tried my best to help those around me by volunteering at the Bethel Church Food Bank in Pomona. It was always gratifying seeing people's faces light up with joy, as I handed them their box of food, enough to feed a small family for a week.

It was Mr.Bellis though, someone who I truly respect as a mentor and friend, who helped me combine my love for Government and helping others into my future career of a Politician. During my sophomore year, I took World History with Mr.Bellis and I often found myself enraptured by his amazing speeches and lectures on politics and the globalization of our culture and economies. I am now taking AP Government with Mr.Bellis and I am fascinated at how huge and convoluted our government is. One aspect of our government that interests me is how our Founding Fathers were able to plan out every facet of this nation so well that it is still running strong after 300 years. Even though Mr.Bellis and I may disagree on some topics, he has taught me to be more open-minded and think more objectively on issues, two qualities that are indispensable to a politician trying to satisfy all his different constituents.

Even though my heart sits with government, I have other interests like literature and philosophy. The College or Arts and Sciences' focus on a liberal arts curriculum will provide me with the opportunity to foster my intellectually curiosity. As a future politician, I do not just want to be adept in the area of political science; I also want to be able to understand how the constituents that I am representing think. Thus, having a major in government and minor in the interdisciplinary program of cognitive science would provide me with a broad foundation of knowledge needed to be an efficient politician. Hopefully, if given the chance to attend Cornell, maybe one day I can find a Cornell professor that will influence as much as Mr.Bellis has.

It was always gratifying to see people's faces light up [/quote]

Hey, here's the essay from before:

Here are my edits, Good luck! be sure to have others look this over...
"Let China sleep. For when China wakes, it will shake the world." -Napoleon Bonaparte

I lived in China for four and half years. When I first came, there were houses that needed reconstruction. There were children excreting feces on the streets. I saw men swear in their seedy taxis as they drove. It was a coarse world, and to my sixth-grade self, China was repellent. But through the years I noticed progressive change happening around me. I saw the streets widen, the cussing attenuate, and the children civilized. Witnessing the consistent and rapid evolution of the Chinese nation astounded me. The booming growth of the Chinese economy and the awakening of the nation to global issues (and its innate Sinocentrism)(don't really understand this) will soon make China one of the leading nations on our world. Napoleon recognized China's potential long before its boom. Today, its potential runs rampant. Today China is envied by many for the global attention it draws.

(Maybe you could talk about Obama's complacency toward Chinese President Hu Jintao during his recent visit, and how Obama failed to resolve pressing human rights concerns involving Chinese labor, and failure to contract any significant agreement on reducing carbon emissions. Or how about China's actions at Copenhagen?)

China triggered my intellectual interest with the explosion in the number of skyscraper and automobiles nearby my apartment. At many building construction sites, the continuous drilling and clashing of metals seem like a cacophonous reflection of the nation's roar, waking from its long repose. ??? (what lion?) The Lion strengthened and advanced as the automobiles gave it velocity and mobility.

My intrigue for China intensified as I procured more knowledge about the Chinese culture and the traditions and pride of its people through my friends and courses at a local Chinese school. I peeked into its five thousand year history, sympathizing for its downfalls, and applauding its victorious occasions. Engrossed in its culture, I seemed to become a part of its rich story as I delved into its past. Whether I would celebrate the Chinese New Year with firecrackers and moon cakes or feel uneasy about the Chinese national soccer team's loss, I acted out from the affection for China. To see our 4000 year older brother grow in power and fortune, the Korean nation, I felt tacitly proud. Because China is waking up gradually and will soon fully stretch its paws to extend influence on other nations, I am captivated by the impact the Chinese nation will exert upon the world.

For me, the decades to come constitute the perfect timing to study about China. The zenith China's influence will coincide with the prime years of my research. With the knowledge of China and Asian-Pacific studies acquired from Cornell University, I want to connect other connoisseur and countries to the Herculean (??? really? herculean?) China. I will help people understand China and direct the international community can to work with China hand in hand. I also hope to collaborate with the others students at China's National Universities to further understand China in depth. And I would like to offer a third, objective point of view from the studies I have pursued outside of China for better analysis of where the China's relations with other nations is heading.

Today, many people, as I once had, look down on China for their lack of international etiquette and civility as a whole. But soon, economics and global forces will urge good relations with China. And I will contribute my unique perspective on China to those to seeking help. Until then, I will learn and wait patiently for the day when the world's nations cooperate globally with China to solve the significant issues facing us all. Napoleon was right. China's emergence will certainly shake the world.

(now refer back to the quote in the last sentence!)

Shouldn't China be the "sleeping dragon" ?