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Counting down the days for my BIRTHDAY; UVA / Favorite WORD


valeriadavila01 9 / 17 2  
Dec 30, 2012   #1
I had to cut down over 200 words...and here I am with 326 words with the word limit being 250..
Can you help by revising it/checking if it makes sense?
All help is appreciated! Thank you!


What is your favorite word and why?
Balloons fly everywhere in a sea of colors as candles are blown out. At age 5, all my heart desired was a pony. Fast forward- I finally get that new MP3 player I've been eyeing. Friends and family members stick by my side as I blow out 10 candles on my castle-shaped cake. Blink once-. my QuinceaĂąera dress wraps itself around me as I waltz with my father, following the beat of the music with each step I take. The music begins to fade and here I am; age 17, fast approaching 18. Memories flood back to me and excite me for the future the moment I think of this word: birthday.

As I grew out of my Barbie stage, I remember counting down the days until I became 13, the day in which I considered, would make me automatically "cool". Being a teenager was the best thing to be at the time. Before I knew it I'm 13, wanting to be 16, so that I could start driving the new Honda that I falsely expected my parents to buy me.

Here I am at age 17- car-less and with less than 3 months away from my 18th birthday. As I reflect on my past birthdays, you may be wondering "do I look forward to my 18th birthday?" The answer is: Yes and no. Not only am I looking forward to being legal, but to the future itself. Sitting here, I wonder "what will my life be like my 25th or 50th birthday? As a child, birthdays made me look forward to turning a certain age; right now, I could care less about the number. Birthdays make me look forward into the future, and how my life will unfold until the very last time I blow out those candles. No one knows when that will be, but as long as I have my birthdays, I will always have a reason to be counting down the days.
ticklelisaelmo 8 / 42 3  
Dec 30, 2012   #2
Good essay. However, maybe you should leave out the part about you NOT looking forward to your birthday. Kinda confuses the reader. But I really liked how you connected it to the idea of the future!

Read my essay?? Thanks!
tomcruisin444 2 / 19  
Jan 13, 2013   #3
I really enjoyed the flow of your essay especially the rhetorical questions that you used to provide a transition to your story. It's pretty hard to say what you should cut out from your essay to get under the word limit as each sentence complements each other in a way that makes the essay flow. Some of my friends used Scribendi for admission essay editing to help them get under the word limit, but I personally haven't tried it so I can't give my take on it. My only advice would be to read your essay out loud to yourself as many times as possible, and see if you can locate and decide which sentence can be fragmented into a shorter,but similar context.

Sorry if my post was no help, however I genuinely did enjoy your essay though. Kudos to you and good luck!


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