Hey guys,
What do you guys think about my uc personal statement? I am looking for grammatical errors and coherency
UC Prompt 1:
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
As a college freshman coming out of high school, I was never devoted to a specific subject. This lack of commitment created an unexpected detour over what career I would pursue in the future. As I confronted this challenge, I saw the community college as an opportunity to find out what I truly wanted to do in the future by creating new perspectives and exploring promising courses that were not available in high school. Using this strategy, I was able to narrow down my interest and began taking more science course. As my choices began to shrink, I was determined to kindle a passion for this field.
My first science lab course at a community college was general chemistry. I expected to have the same dreadful experience as my chemistry class in high school, but I was completely wrong. In fact, participating in experiments became my favorite part of the day. Unlike high school, the labs were intuitive and challenging, making the process quite difficult to understand at times. Consequently, I would spend hours reading and preparing each experiment to obtain the best possible yield. Although it was typical for me to be one of the last students to leave the lab, it was always so gratifying to understand the concepts of an experiment while enjoying the experience at the same time.
As my new-found interest in science began to develop, I decided to take cellular and molecular biology, an upper-division biology class. The in-depth study of cell functions, genetics, and human development captivated my interest even further and my desire to know more about the field grew so I decided to read academic articles about and wrote my research paper on malignant melanoma. By the end of the semester, I was shocked to find out how many concepts I understood and how easy it was to explain the disease to the class. It was then when it became apparent that my interest belong to the meticulous research in hopes to find a cure for many of the ever changing diseases.
As I began taking more courses relating to my major, I was drawn closer into the subject and attempted to find various ways to solidify my passion. I joined an honors society club at my college where I found many aspiring science students like myself who gave me a new outlook in the science field. In addition, I also volunteered for programs that recognized the issues of dangerous chemicals that reside in our local produce and as a team, we found alternative ways to grow foods safely naturally. In the process, I enhanced my critical-thinking skills and gained the confidence to be part in this promising field.
Completely changing my perspective on school, I no longer see myself as a confused freshman window shopping for a major, but a critical thinker perusing bioscience major. Through the experience in my classes and my own independent explorations of the subject, I have gained a greater appreciation for the insightful creations that allows people to live long and prosper. With that in mind, I am determined to pursue a higher level of education at a highly regarded university such as yours and to participate in one of the many remarkable research programs your university has to offer.
Using this strategy, I was able to narrow down my interests and began taking more science courses .
Applying this strategy, I narrowed down my diverse interests with more focus on science courses.Consequently, I would spend hours on reading and preparing for each experiment to obtain the best possible yield.By the end of the semester, I was shocked to find out how many concepts I understood and how easy it was to explain the disease to the class.
how easy it was to explain the disease to the class? ... I guess you can present this better ;)
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how easy it became explaining to the others.... or may be you have a better way of presenting it :DYou write very well! Good Luck!